R.I.P.

R.I.P: Verizon Wireless VX9800 7/5/2006-1/27/2008

My phone has officially died. The charging connection on the inside has pretty much...disintegrated. I am making it a point to save to get another digital camera, because its times like these that you guys need to see a PICTURE of what I'm trying to show you.

Speaking of death....
The selling of my dead grandmothers house is REALLY underway. The 3 bedroom portion upstairs that I've roamed around since the age of 7 was being viewed yesterday around 2 p.m. by some possible renters. We've already rented the 2 bedroom apartment underneath it, and we're keeping the 1 bedroom apartment in the bottom-we own the entire house. With my aunt Charmaine moving to Jamaica and my grandmother gone, we really don't need the 3 bedroom portion but its too painful to watch. On New Years day I took Ben upstairs and showed him where my cousins and I would play as kids, where we were "forced" to take naps etc. It's just a really, really rough time to think that I'm going to walk by this house and NOT go upstairs. It's going to be annoying to know I can't just swing the car into the driveway or sit on the porch ALL summer long and eat, the things I've been doing since 7.

I did however, have a fabulous time in the basement apartment on Sunday. My parental figures and sibling went out there and spent the day and it gave me a small sliver of hope that you know what, we're going to create NEW memories in this one bedroom apartment. It might not have a quarter as much space, and the huge kitchen I'm used to (that's where I learned to do all my cooking) but with me turning 22 in April, it should be maybe 14 years of new memories. I'm trying hard to keep positive.

I was reminiscing during work yesterday about the lovely time I had in Brooklyn and a wave of melancholy washed over me quite suddenly. I started thinking about my friendships on Long Island and feeling that I'm still not part of that "group". I mean, understandably, I went away for 4 years but....it's been approximately 8 months that I've returned to Long Island. I'm usually the last to know something or have to do inquiries before notification because I'm not necessarily thought of to contact right away? It just makes me aware that I'm not in the "loop". Sadly though, this is why I've been reaching out to so many other people because I'm aware of my displacement within that group. What also doesn't work is friends that are in Brooklyn or elsewhere are all tugging about who gets to see me when I do come to Brooklyn, because none of them want to make the journey out to Suffolk County. THAT is extremely annoying. The only time that I'm seen doesn't have to be only when I come to Brooklyn, not to sound like a pig but I have a bitch of a house with more than enough room to cater to people. If some would make the EFFORT to come out here, it would make me feel APPRECIATED. I've been the one making the journey to Brooklyn to see friends since I moved to Long Island which was circling the time of my 15th birthday. Just do unto others........

These feelings of melancholy didn't raise with speed either. My temp job on their last day of needing me TRULY worked me like a dog yesterday. Denzel told me I was sleep talking to him around 9:30 last night. He tucked me in (*say awww*) turned off my tv, lights and turned my screen saver to "blank" so that the light wouldn't wake me. At work, as I tried to make the time of my slavery pass faster I integrated music. The same way slaves would sing, I in 2008 turned on my PSP. Almost instinctively with my sadness I went STRAIGHT to my Jason Mraz playlist. The first 3 songs I played didn't raise the mood:
"Who Needs Shelter"

"Absolutely Zero"

"Plane"

Plane was PARTICULARLY difficult...because that's the ring tone of my BFF, Linette..I don't hear that song and NOT think of her.

I'm just not in the mood to fight about ANYTHING. Whoever wants to spend time with me...will make the effort; they'll let me know. If they don't...well that speaks enough for me..