I Am

Today is October 16th, 2009..my last entry was September 30th.

"Sometimes, having a big heart leads to an even bigger shield around it. However, keeping a sword is completely optional".

I am broken.
I am broken.
I am broken.
I am the owner of a big heart.
I am a carrier of a thyroid disorder.
Maybe, I am a lush.
I am tired.
I am cranky.
I am cold.
I am officially depressed.
I am a clown, wearing a smile when I want to do everything but smile.
I am sensitive.
I am sensitive.
I am sensitive.
I am open.
I am closed.
I am dying.
I am falling apart.
I am lonely.
I am afraid.
I am running.
I am standing still.
I am going through the motions.
I am trying to progress.
I am failing.
I am successful.
I am weak
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am strong.
I am strong
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am sick.
I am sick.
I am needy.
I am angry.
I am angry.
I am angry.
I am alone.
I am a writer.
I am a genius.
I am lost.
I am creative.
I am messy.
I am growing.
And it's true, I am lacking in self-belief
I am feeling defeated.
I am frustrated.
I am empty but I am full in that I am in pain.
I am stubborn.
I am opinionated.
I am struggling.
I am a fighter.
I am easily hurt.
I am easily distraught.
I am a believer in love.
I am avid in not supporting vengeance.
I am not at peace.
However, I am me.
Whatever I believe I am, I am being that me to the fullest extent.

I am hurting.
I am hurting.
I am hurting.

The hurt surrounds me day and night and reinforces the reasoning behind why I keep a set-a shield and sword. My shield is still up, and at the moment, thicker than it has been in the past only because I hurt so very much..but I AM working on putting my sword down.

I AM working on putting it down.