The First Mohegan

I just did my first weekend at Mohegan Sun...

Britney Spears will be doing two shows there this March, and apparently in May of 2009 as well..(random tidbit)

I needed this time..

I've never done any gambling before (it's ironic that upon my first try, bible verses against it come immediately to mind) and I won, then lost $27.

$27 could be gas in my car, or a round trip LIRR train ticket with enough cash left over for a shot of Southern Comfort. Losing $27 definitely stresses me out, as I do not have $27 to lose and was hoping my $27 was going to grow significantly...

Well, it would be nice to use "FREE" money (a.k.a. "winnings greater than your initial input) to pay my Verizon Wireless bill.

Apparently, hope isn't going to get far in 2009...

However, I severely needed a break. A real break. Not to sound.."whiny" but, I almost feel like the break I've been allotted isn't even enough. It's not as much as I need to heal right now...

That's what I'm working on right now. Healing. Last week, I got back into that moment where work was pushing me to that brink of insanity that I felt that if the building were to suddenly combust or if I were to be laid off, it would almost be OK. Almost. Well....

I originally had plans with The Significant, which some how derailed and I guess did for the right reasons. I haven't been trusting lately in that God is steering me in the right direction or that He is aligning things in an order for a specific reason. I think that mistrust of lately has added to my detour on a path to near insanity. I've become control freak-ish about everything that is going on and not relaxing into the belief that there is some grander reason as to why something is occuring. Then, when I try to control things, and they don't work out it only lends so much to the stress. I've been feeling like I've been doing so many things for no reason. Or, reasons unbeknownst to me. Because I'm not seeing the immediate benefits of SEVERAL things, I've become crazed...not having the stamina to complete the simplest of tasks if I'm not able to piece them together with a neccessary outcome.

No bueno...

I've had to re-direct this for 2009. I started 2009 the right way, and I have to come to accept as per many fortune tellings and tarots that this is a year for me of long-term potential. This year is extremely vital in that everything I do starting early this year is going to formulate at the END of this year and into the years to follow. I'm not going to do something in January and see the resultants on February 1st. Everything I've read has been pointing me to that. It's going to be an intense year for me in developing patience as the primary trait I lack in the worst way, and my whole year's dependency is on me having the patience to see what will come in the months to follow. This is going to be the year where a lot of my personal desires come to fruition. I absolutely know this almost factually. It's a vibe I have but I'm already struggling hard with keeping my irritations DOWN as my lack of patience is being tested hard core.

It's only 5 days in...
Here's to hoping and praying that I truly develop some real, hard core patience..
Because with the way I'm being tested already if I don't develop some, this is going to be a not pretty 2009 for me and a lot of surrounding people...