R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I was having a ROUGH day yesterday, to say the least....
As I've been explaining in posts prior, I've been very overcome by a sense of loneliness. An opportunity for me to pop into Brooklyn came about randomly, so instead of being home alone like I am every other day of the week, I took it.

I popped into Brooklyn around 4-ish yesterday afternoon and an ex of mine, Ben scheduled to meet with me knowing what kind of day I was having. I found out Nikki (Cam's ex) won't be able to come stay with me this upcoming weekend; Jax is having her own issues and I wanted to see her but simultaneously didn't want to add to her pressure because I know shes worried about me...so the safest route seemed to be Ben for the night. I pretty much always have a good time with him. One of the few if maybe only ex of mine I can tolerate. I realized after analyzing why that I can still be friends with him because he RESPECTS me.

Cj, being an ex that I adored, never ever, ever respected me and liked me for who I am. He fed me a lot of bullshit and falsified feelings over the course of SEVERAL years. Ben really and truly respects me and thats why despite our break up and feelings that may have existed, I have a relationship with him thats ALMOST as close as we did when together. I always hoped Cj and I could have the same, but then again there are certain ideals I was brought up with and Steven doesn't share a lot of the same ideals. If you don't see it fit to respect any woman besides your mother, then I need not converse with you. I am a woman, and I demand a certain amount of respect and Cj never has and never will be willing to provide me with that respect. Sad. Ben likes me for who I am, Ben respects that I have been educated and that I've grown from the person he knew in high school and that theres nothing wrong with that. Naturally, Cj would see it fit to go against the grain....

I just want to say to Ben if he happens to read this, I appreciate you...thank you for respecting me and acknowledging that every person is different and there is absolutely nothing wrong with the woman I am...

I had a fabulous afternoon with him, trotting around Brooklyn, mainly downtown by Fulton Mall. I miss Brooklyn SO much, no one knows. Aside from the traffic and parking issues something I can definitely live without here in Suffolk County, I miss the convenience of Brooklyn very, very much. I miss being down by Fulton. I miss being a beauty supply store, thrice the size of my living room and dining room. I miss cocoa butter on sale for $3.49, as opposed to $6.00 on Long Island. I miss cheap lipglossies and Asians persuading me to purchase things I don't need and me buying it anyway. I miss the awe of hair factories, the vast amounts of possibilities they hold for you. I got Ben caught up in the awe of just walls and walls of hair.

I miss Brooklyn.

I'm hoping today is going to be a relatively smoother day. I'm very,very restless. I'm dying for something of thrill to happen. I haven't seen the significant since Wednesday due to his work schedule, I have an empty hope I'll see him today. He's off, but definitely needs his rest. I don't believe I'll see him until Tuesday, so I'm not keeping vast amounts of hope in that department.

I received notification that my health insurance is about to be canceled. I also have to fill out a unemployment deferral form for my student loans. I haven't been updated on my civil suit, in which I'm NOT complaining about. I just want that goddamn case dropped. I do need to see to it that I come up with $95 by 1/4/2008 for my court fine though, or I will be arrested. My grand uncle has cancer that is spreading rapidly and I believe the latter part of my evening will be spent with him in Nassau County. I'm close to him. He's one of 2 of my dead grandmothers siblings that have actually made it a point to be close to me. I get a chill every time I think that he could be gone soon...

Respect is one of the few things that is truly important to have in this life.....