New Years Resolutions and Fossil Imprints-The Sequel

The New Year has started out...good yet bad. Up but down. Normal but weird.

I am not in the least comfortable with a moments worth of instability..not..one..moment. I just resolved to myself that the reason in which it might be beginning this way is because prior to the New Year beginning I didn't write out the official 2009 list as I kept telling myself I'm SUPPOSED to. This is why everything is so topsy-turvy..I didn't specify how the year should play out, so its playing out on a shuffle setting.

New Years eve began with me about to quit my job, and hearing the news that someone whos presence I NEEDED on New Years wasn't going to be present. Soon afterward, I left work "early" and The Significant upon hearing me in near tears agreed to pick up my friend from her house in Yonkers and drive us into Manhattan. As the countdown began, I realized I wasn't overly excited as many others were to kiss 2008 goodbye, '08 was a really good year for me. The Significant was parking his car that we came in at midnight, so I had no one to kiss...
However, after an entertaining night in Angels and Kings full of laughter, drink spilling and random fights we headed up to Yonkers in which..drunk people tried to COOK and caught a whole roll of paper towels on FIRE.

Not a small flame either...

With all the laughter and surrounded by those I love, I figured I started the New Year completely right. The 2009 that I was previously dreading, I figured "Fuck the list, I started this right". On the heels of New Years, starting Friday 1/2/09 The Significant and I have been in battle, even up to yesterday me posing threats to end the relationship entirely. I got into a deep conversation, not fight in the least with my BFF regarding "friendship levels". The measure in which certain people now stand with me, which was good for me to evaluate because I have been reaching out or handing out to those who don't deserve shit from me. They always have an excuse for something, they always have some BS going on, it's always SOMETHING. And, I'm over it. So in referencing the original to this post, I'm going to properly devise the sequel.

When goals are written they have a 57% chance of actually coming true...

• Work on my PATIENCE. This is on top of the list for a reason. Everyone, absolutely everyone is becoming intolerable of my lack of patience. When my grandmother passed away in 2004 the fossil imprint she should've left with me is high levels of patience. She was the most patient person I've ever known, and preached to me about it daily in which back then, I was WAY more patient..patient to a point that people took severe advantage of. It seems that upon her death, she took my patience to the grave with her. Coming upon the 5th anniversary of her death I should ressurect it in full by August 7th-the date of her death.
  
• Keep the structure of my postive relationships. At this point in the game, I know who are "idle friends", "co-workers", "friends remaining to prove themselves" and "ride or die". I've been spreading myself out TOO much. I do know exactly who to talk to and who I 200% trust, so why am I not limiting myself to those people? I need to not necessarily cut-off the excess but REDUCE the exposure to the excess...
• Be more professional. As much as I despise where I am currently, I've gotten too comfortable, and gotten too close with so many people that I shouldn't be. I need to draw the line 150%-work is work, play is play. Keep cordial with those at work that need to be kept cordial with and don't delve into too much personal for that is a weapon that will be used against me..and already has. And to top that off, this is a stepping stone so people need to have the most postive image of me as so possible because their sole purpose in my mind needs to now be reduced to simply using them as references. Their opinions of me work-wise are half the fare on my ticket to where I NEED to be, so why am I ruining the opportunity to get half the money paid?
  
• "Resolve my trust issues". This was an excerpt from the 2008 list, in which it said especially with men. In my opinion I've done A LOT BETTER with men, but that's because during 2008 the entire thing REVERSED and women became my enemy. Women in the past year used so many tools against me and I was caught so off guard and genuinely VERY hurt in lots of circumstances. I would like to begin to read more relationship books. Not just male to female relationships, just general relationships. Mothers to children, men and women, women and women in the workplace, love, male to male friendships etc. I need to understand relationships on a WHOLE in order to progress the right way with trust as I so wish to.
• Hashimoto Hypothyroidism: Yeah, that's me. This has come into knowledge mid to late 2008 that this is the thyroid disease I have. This means, in all seriousness, I CANNOT get stressed out, I have to eat better, take my medication and start a serious exercise regimen. Stress and poor eating exacerbate the seriousness of the disease. I already feel the effects hard core, like the fatigue when I sleep 10 hours easily. I despise exercise. Let me put that impoortant information out there, however, I feel like trash every single day. I have been feeling like trash for the last 4-6 months truly. The Hashimotos is making me either ridiculously hungry or not eat at all and I still gain weight. I can't keep my head up most nights past 10:30PM. My vision is usually blurred, I've developed severe stuttering and my memory is completely shot to all hell. Also, in addition my vision is getting worse because I've been sleeping in my contact lenses for weeks at a time. Gross, I know. I've probably consumed 412 gallons of soda in the whole year, and only 2 gallons of water. Looking at Oprah's Best Life program, going on this week, there is a lot I have to fix...
  

• MAKE MONEY. In 2008 I put this on the list, and it was no joke-as soon as 2008 began I was working steady temporary jobs landing me right into the job I have currently. I started 2008 just being content with the money I had and by June, I was "making it rain on them hoes" with the revenue. When the revenue became officially stable, I dove into correcting my credit woes. Now, even though Bank of America was successful in passing a judgement against me, I still have been working on everything else in the background. I would truly like by the end of this year that almost all the woes are put to bed. The earlier in the year, the better, seeing as I would like to use my money during '09 to get an apartment in Nassau County. That is the first step towards getting a job in NYC, writing....
• I need an apartment in Nassau County..not want...need...and will have..oh, with a walk-in closet..and The Significant in my bed a lot more often..
  
• Further strengthening my relationship with The Significant from the inside, out. At one point during 2008, he said some positive things to me that changed the relationship for the better entirely. I hate that we started this year rocky, but it'll be one of the last rocky situations. With him going back to college finally as I've begged him to thoroughly, me still working and saving for my apartment I want this year to be a solid year of advances for both of us separately but together. I want things to continue to be positive, and for understandings to grow and to feel at the end of 2009 that this isn't the end but the beginning of something really big for our union. I want him to fully trust me, and for us to truly be on the same page for our future together..I love him.
  
• Spend some more time with my PARENTS and younger brother..he graduates high school in June!
• Devote money to the success of my writing/blogging career. "You get what you give" "What you put in, is what comes out". I've put in words, I haven't put in advertising, money, networking etc. THIS year, this takes off. If I were buying a few less shoes, and putting that into THIS then a lot MORE would be coming out!
• Go hard for 2009...just go hard so during this year I can have what I want, how I want it, the way I deserve it...