Sunday, July 17, 2011

Take Care

I'm going to voice a negative, express my feelings here in my forum and move on. I've become over the last 5 years an entirely different woman-mentally and emotionally and I won't allow that to be stripped of me or allow myself to be moved backwards.

The subject of being someones "party pal" to me over the last year has lost its "sense" to me. In the beginning, I stood by and used the term frequently but as I continue to evolve as an adult the significance has been lost. I don't need or intend to use individuals for the sake of partying. As I become more cultured, try new things and go to new places I've partied less and therefore don't need to have individuals with me FOR that sake.

I also have analyzed and decided that I too will not be demeaned by being referred to as a party pal either. If that's the case, the "friends" are two individuals wasting each other's time. If I need to have someone on my arm, to go to a club, bar, etc and that's their sole existence in my life? I will buy a fucking bracelet. That can sit on my arm or be my accessory. Nor will I be used to be someone elses accessory to and when they need it- my time, my car, my conversation, my jokes, my presence.

I won't.

My time, my presence,etc is worth much more than that and it should be shared with people who actually want me around in their life or actually care about me instead of using me around to maybe fill a void or satisfy their selfish nature and then discard of me. Especially as far as I've come over the years as an individual I know my worth, and won't have it demeaned by anyone. As I see more, do more and revolutionize myself, I see the great in my future and to those who do just use me now, I trust that the Lord will discard of them and bring the right people into my life. People who appreciate me, care about me, genuinely want my presence in their life, people I can thoroughly trust and have real valid friendships through. Not simply the shallow friendships I see and hear all of my previous friends state they have- "dinner buddies only", "party pal only", "there when I need a ride","buys me drinks at the bar", etc. Its such a waste of time to have individuals that only fit those bills in your life.

I want only people that will actually be happy for me when I get pregnant again, people I know will come visit when I move out of my hometown, or would be at my housewarming. The type of friends who throw you a surprise bachelorette party and everyone of them is worthy of being your bridesmaids. The friends that you can actually talk about your life with and not just have weak surface conversations with. If I need surface conversations, I will talk to co-workers or a stuffed animal or the cashier at Home Depot.

Simply, don't waste my time. Time is so precious to me. Things that have happened in the last 4 years of me writing in the blog-if you start from beginning through now it would blow your mind. I work so much during the week that the weekends feel like a total of 10 minutes...time is too precious to me. So as I don't waste others' time because time means so much to me, don't waste mine.

Its unkind.

And those who I don't even consider worth anything-at all, never was that close with and one in particular who has had no class in public forum, just take care. I don't know why you've been in my life for so long, taking up space, wasting my precious time, being one of two extremes: loud, annoying, classless and rude or being useless and breathing in my air, just take care. The classless ones, sometimes really burn me to the point of me wanting to say "fuck you and take care" but the other innocent ones who are friends with me only because of their connections to others-take care. You're not here FOR me, you're only here because of my friendship with someone else-don't do me any favors, go about your life, I wish you well-take care of yourself. Take care of your family, and your real friends only stop creating false, shallow friendships because someone else is connected to someone. The classless crew, I'm not worried about you guys. I'm not fuckin with you guys whatsoever so again, fuck you and take care.

Whether I have to move from this alone and start anew, or whether the friends of my past read this and actually get it and real friendships are re-established...I wish everyone to Take Care. I narrowed my cell phone contacts last night from 412 into the 50's. I'm ready to start anew alone if need be or for only real friends to step it up and step forward.

Let's do this for real or let's just fucking not. Either way, each and everyone of you are your OWN person and will have different decisions regarding me as I will with each every individual one of you. At the end of the day, Take Care.

Seriously, no malicious feelings.


Take Care.