Sunday, July 17, 2011

Take Care

I'm going to voice a negative, express my feelings here in my forum and move on. I've become over the last 5 years an entirely different woman-mentally and emotionally and I won't allow that to be stripped of me or allow myself to be moved backwards.

The subject of being someones "party pal" to me over the last year has lost its "sense" to me. In the beginning, I stood by and used the term frequently but as I continue to evolve as an adult the significance has been lost. I don't need or intend to use individuals for the sake of partying. As I become more cultured, try new things and go to new places I've partied less and therefore don't need to have individuals with me FOR that sake.

I also have analyzed and decided that I too will not be demeaned by being referred to as a party pal either. If that's the case, the "friends" are two individuals wasting each other's time. If I need to have someone on my arm, to go to a club, bar, etc and that's their sole existence in my life? I will buy a fucking bracelet. That can sit on my arm or be my accessory. Nor will I be used to be someone elses accessory to and when they need it- my time, my car, my conversation, my jokes, my presence.

I won't.

My time, my presence,etc is worth much more than that and it should be shared with people who actually want me around in their life or actually care about me instead of using me around to maybe fill a void or satisfy their selfish nature and then discard of me. Especially as far as I've come over the years as an individual I know my worth, and won't have it demeaned by anyone. As I see more, do more and revolutionize myself, I see the great in my future and to those who do just use me now, I trust that the Lord will discard of them and bring the right people into my life. People who appreciate me, care about me, genuinely want my presence in their life, people I can thoroughly trust and have real valid friendships through. Not simply the shallow friendships I see and hear all of my previous friends state they have- "dinner buddies only", "party pal only", "there when I need a ride","buys me drinks at the bar", etc. Its such a waste of time to have individuals that only fit those bills in your life.

I want only people that will actually be happy for me when I get pregnant again, people I know will come visit when I move out of my hometown, or would be at my housewarming. The type of friends who throw you a surprise bachelorette party and everyone of them is worthy of being your bridesmaids. The friends that you can actually talk about your life with and not just have weak surface conversations with. If I need surface conversations, I will talk to co-workers or a stuffed animal or the cashier at Home Depot.

Simply, don't waste my time. Time is so precious to me. Things that have happened in the last 4 years of me writing in the blog-if you start from beginning through now it would blow your mind. I work so much during the week that the weekends feel like a total of 10 minutes...time is too precious to me. So as I don't waste others' time because time means so much to me, don't waste mine.

Its unkind.

And those who I don't even consider worth anything-at all, never was that close with and one in particular who has had no class in public forum, just take care. I don't know why you've been in my life for so long, taking up space, wasting my precious time, being one of two extremes: loud, annoying, classless and rude or being useless and breathing in my air, just take care. The classless ones, sometimes really burn me to the point of me wanting to say "fuck you and take care" but the other innocent ones who are friends with me only because of their connections to others-take care. You're not here FOR me, you're only here because of my friendship with someone else-don't do me any favors, go about your life, I wish you well-take care of yourself. Take care of your family, and your real friends only stop creating false, shallow friendships because someone else is connected to someone. The classless crew, I'm not worried about you guys. I'm not fuckin with you guys whatsoever so again, fuck you and take care.

Whether I have to move from this alone and start anew, or whether the friends of my past read this and actually get it and real friendships are re-established...I wish everyone to Take Care. I narrowed my cell phone contacts last night from 412 into the 50's. I'm ready to start anew alone if need be or for only real friends to step it up and step forward.

Let's do this for real or let's just fucking not. Either way, each and everyone of you are your OWN person and will have different decisions regarding me as I will with each every individual one of you. At the end of the day, Take Care.

Seriously, no malicious feelings.


Take Care.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Long time no talk… Sorry for the much delayed check in, I have had some interesting challenges spring into existence over these recent months & much of my energies have been geared towards rising each morning & facing them as they arrive. I have learned much about my own resolve & strength & by the looks of things, I dare to say that you appear to have been undergoing a similar upheaval.

Your 25th birthday - My very belated congratulations! go out to you for reaching a milestone.

The best I can impart regarding Argyle Lake (Which you are quite right about as it is truly is beautiful at night) is that the transition to "adulthood" comes in myriad variations & the revelation of it's arrival is entirely dependant upon the moral make up of the individual. That said, the striking observation that kept coming to mind while filtering your thoughts, is that you've indeed felt it's presence & that you're navigating this transition in a very mature, thoughtful manner.

I recall previously discussing how I made a change similar to how you've detailed. At some point it was no longer simply about accumulating the most of anything but much rather about holding tight to that best of everything. If you have chosen to excise people from your life then there surely is valid reasoning behind such decisions. Oft times the hardest thing we must do is to push sympathies aside for objectivity & allow our neighbors to bear the crosses of their making. Some will surely become angry over your decision & harbor you ill will… You cannot allow yourself to be dragged into their whirlpools of negativity, the shunned are best left by the wayside, pondering over the if's & why's of how they could've been a better friend, confidant, or lover. Continue to focus your energies on making the wise decisions needed to better position yourself for success & peace of mind…It is obvious to even the most untrained of eyes that you deserve better than you have received to this point & as you continue to display faith in your own ability to do what is best, you most assuredly shall begin to see such blessings arrive upon your horizon.

Again, my congratulations on your birthday & for whatever it may be worth I am proud for you...

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx