Wednesday, July 22, 2009

New Jack Update: Mold & Mildew

"Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own."-Eminem

This has been an interesting month of July, all-in-all. It's been filled with mold ithe n many more ways than I could've forseen. The only way to flip a negative to a positive is to analyze that the month of July was filled with mold, a semi-poison that in most instances is hazardous to humans, and at the end of the month, today, August 1st, all the poison has been sucked out.

So, let's backtrack through the poison...

The job woes of June where everything was continuously going wrong with marekting dollars that I truly couldn't handle just transitioned right into the month of July. A complete snowball effect. Despite this, I'm not going to live at my place of employment when it is not the path of my was a means to pay the bills and gain some experience. Experience. The thing that everyone said I needed to elevate to where I want to be, and boy did I get experience, and daily it was way more negative than positive. After 17 months of it, the poison truly weighed me down..I was truly heading back into a low-low point that I was regarding this position last winter. Where I was feeling swaggerjacked in every sense of the word.

Companies, Suppliers that would come, that I straight up did all the work for and my bosses would look at me, and walk around me and not introduce me. Or even better, wrongly introduce and give credit to others for my work. After all the breaking down, "whippings & beatings", tears I've shed, personality lost, I saw no greater mistreatment than this.
And though I believe "revenge is best served on a cold dish", the Bible advises against being vengeful so much and in the oddest rarity, I agree. All the mistreatment and misery I've suffered through that I could reel off the tongue, I seek not revenge.

In the tears that welled up in my eyes yesterday, I seek not revenge.
The acts of mistreatment in comparison to other members on my "team", and constantly being positioned as the black sheep, I seek not revenge.

Instead, I pity. Their behavior, their setup is such as a mold that will eat away at them, the same it ate away at me.
Ironically, two weeks ago, I suffered from such a physical poisoning as I actually ingested mold and for 3 whole days, it felt as if the lining of my stomach had disolved or had been eaten away. Such as the bread mold ate away at me and make me sick, is the same way the mold will eat away at them, so revenge not I seek.

If anyone to back track to all the things I've ever had to say, there was nothing ever positive. It was a daily grind and respected as such, until the full-on swaggerjacking began.

So I might be back at stage 1 of The New Jack, no job just like I didnt have when I first began writing in 2007 and I don't know how I'm going to pay the bills, just like back then, but I know that I'm free.

Hurt, but free.
Not vengeful, but free.
Penniless, but free.

Free from a true poison, of mold and mildew. I look forward to my next job, being poison-free.

Kid Cudi Update: Make Her Say (I Poke Her Face)

Sampling the famous Lady Gaga's "Pokerface", featuring Kanye West and Common

Friday, July 17, 2009

New Jack Update: Rockin Robin

Tweet this and tweet that..

I realize more and more how much I could truly be in need of break. I'm extremely aggravated with a great multitude of my friends. I'm annoyed with Twitter and how it has been used as tool against one another and has replaced forms of basic communication, and how people think it suffices as a way to apologize.

I've downgraded my tweets so much after a fit full of drama that happened over last weekend, spilling into the beginning of this week. Sadly, I had to address both issues in the writings of Brand New and To Serve and Protect. I think that what saddens me the most, is that not only did it come out in full force that my writings were STILL not understood to the depth in which they were written, but even other people mixed themselves into the mess when they weren't needed and remained unapologetic for it.

I am feeling day at a such a short span of time, I've realized how immature, selfish, pride-filled, unapologetic, careless and plain ridiculous some of the friends I have truly are. I am on my pathway to doing something brand new as I've already signed up to volunteer to make birthday surprise baskets for terminally ill children and I'm not tooting my own horn, I'm just focused on my own progress. The day before yesterday, I had the worst blog page views I've ever had, since my skyrocket. It was almost as if I was just starting out again. And I'm realizing, as much as that was like a knife to my heart...maybe that's the key.

Maybe the key is, letting a few friends of mine sit in "time out" and letting them fall to complete rock bottom so that they themselves can awake and realize it's time to do something brand new. Maybe it was necessary for me to hit rock bottom with the page views, to just decide to really teach myself one step at a time how to make my own layout and do all I need to do with The New Jack.

Instead of Rockin Robin, and staying on Twitter and tweet, tweet, tweeting maybe the key is work, work, working......
I mean, after all that's already occured, I've very much proven that I'm one of the good eggs in the nest.

Rihanna Update: Hair Shaved-July 2009

Brand new images of Rihanna's new hair cut in New York yesterday, 7/16/09 with her new shaved hair cut.
Posted by Picasa

Just as important as the hair cut, I'm very proud of the photo editing I did..people won't teach me, so I'm teaching myself :)

{Images: RihannaDaily}

Sunday, July 12, 2009

New Jack Update: To Serve and Protect

Police officers I find, that half of them are not as bad as their counterparts have made them out to look. Minus the ones who are entangled in drugs, money, racial abuse and more, there is more than a handful of officers who actually want to do the right thing. There is more than a handful that want to uphold the idea of being their title-a police officer, and help out the general population.

When you look at most emblems that involve the United States, especially troops and armed forces the slogan that conicides is "to serve and protect". Unfortunately, I find myself getting close to not a lot, but particular individuals that I feel may need my assistance. I want to "serve and protect" them so to speak. I want to serve in the sense of, if they need my assistance, I'll drop anything to give it to them. I see them on such a negative pathway in life and as someone who cares for them, I'm willing to serve. Willing to dote upon them, willing to take their hand, willing to instruct, willing to explain. With all my friends however, I'm always willing to protect. I love my friends so very much. I'm not going to allow them to go through any pain I may have already suffered from if there is some way I can possibly prevent it. This action sometimes paints me as a refferee. I'm always jumping into something, waving red flags, yellow flags or green flags. I do this not because at any point I have's just out of the sincerity of my heart.
The sincerity of my heart. I'm not sure if many are familiar with what that is.

I've put on blast all the "serve and protect" issues I've gone through with The Significant, here, in writing. He can be a very misguided individual, but I CARE enough to not just let go of someone's hand if they're dangling off the side of the Empire State Building. I've put only some of it in writing, because it's become common verbal knowledge that I've tried to "serve and protect" with a woman that used to be very close within this circle. Despite her near obsence lack of care for her self as a sexual being, and heavy levels of insecurity that have led to her purposely becoming a backstabber on so many levels...I still held her hand. I had faith that she could ...realize what she's doing to herself as well as us, her friends and...stop. I had another friend that was very close the group long ago, Gizzmo. Entangled in drugs, men, you name it. I NEVER wanted to let go of her hand, despite that she's hurt me probably the worst that any human has. There comes a point however, when you're holding someone's hand off the side of that building and in their desperate attempt to commit suicide, they hit you with something hard enough to stun you and make you accidentally let go and watch them fall to their death.

So in response to the quote: "
Niggas wanna police your shit, but go ahead and do them, fuck outta here, I'm not that nigga."

I apologize. Don me "Officer Ricky" if that makes you feel better. Your friend seems to think I'm a negative bitch as well, tell him you both can call me that and chuckle if need be. I apologize for caring. I apologize for wanting to hold your hand while you insist on putting yourself in avoidable situations that you don't have to dangle off the side of the building. I'm sorry that I see so much potential in you, but you've insisted upon letting your upbringing and surroundings stuff you into a box of negativity, anger and incessant hatred. I'm sorry that I was the one rooting for you, and tried to stop you from losing the girl you did want, as I watched her fall like sand through your fingers I tried to be that metal gate that slid in and prevented her from sliding any further away from you. I apologize for wanting to do nothing but "serve and protect" YOU. You have the potential to be such a good man, despite your upbringing, despite the hood you're in..I held your hand because I saw a spark.

I saw a light.
But this is sometimes the role that some officers and troops have to play. When you fail at saving the civilian, they tell you your job was "to serve and protect". You don't get a thank you for your efforts, not that as an officer you NEED to hear one, but everyone is quick to point out that you let the civilian fall off that building.

However, you dust your uniform off, put back on your hat and badges...and continue to serve and protect.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

New Jack Update: Brand New

"Is anything I'm doing brand new"-Drake {track: Brand New}

It could be poised as a rhetorical question, but it is indeed something I think at some point we all have to ask ourselves. Unfortunately, I feel that myself as well as my friends aren't asking themselves if they're doing anything brand new. We're all stuck in the same rut, the same pathways. Even though, some things staying stable is always a good thing, there are some instances where change is truly a good thing and I wish that we would all start asking ourselves if we're doing anything "brand new".

.....Because we're not....

I'll admit myself. I wont be outside the glass house and throw the stones, as I know how easy it is to have a role reversal. I could just as easily wind up locked inside that glass house and have people throw stones while I'm indoors. So, I'll be the first to put my food into the pool I haven't been doing anything "brand new". Is writing for me always the "new new", yes, but however, I'm still trapped in all the things I said I wasn't going to do with this including as minor as getting wordpress up and running has left me in a spot of not doing anything "brand new".

In terms of my friends, I see so many transgressions reoccuring, and at this point it's getting slightly ridiculous.

There's only so many times you can get burned by someone or be the person inflicting the burning and by the time you decide to do something brand new, it could very well be too late. If you listen to the song, Brand New by Drake, you'll see that constant mishaps and mistakes he's been comitting against one person he's finally realized. Now that he's decided he could very well be doing something brand new, it could very well be too late for him. As that person...might just move on because of the constant abuse, and I mean abuse in every sense of the word.

Some of my friends go through some struggles, that are on magnitudes that I see can be totally avoidable. Some friends choose their struggles, like myself. Situations with significant others that don't do right by them in the least, that they can LEAVE and upgrade to a better significant, better way of life, better treatment, better everything. Despite this...they choose to struggle. They choose to be abused-on every level by someone who isn't providing not a drop for them. However, at the end of the day this is a choice, in some instances a weakness. As love may cripple us. One must ask, do we choose to be crippled by love or are we just crippled by love that we must endure suffering so? Despite the question, when are those of us who choose this route going to wake up and realize that we need to do something brand new? Or find someone new...

Other friends of mine willing throw themselves into the fire pits. One that has never been a choice of my own, but who am I to knock your hustle. When one willing throws themselves into a fire pit, I have come to realize there is a lack of thought behind it. A woman I've had an on/off again relationship with who has been in my circle forever, I've come to realize she's always in the fire pits because of lack of thought. I hope the way this is phrased doesn't make me come off like King Solomon, but fornicating with someone, a friend of the circle in a bathroom at a bar and emerging with that person being your "routine" will throw you into the fire pit. The lack of thought of what you're doing, what you're saying, when you're saying something etc. Last night, my BFF got into an argument with someone that I've always rooted for to be her Significant. However, these chances are now shot to tell because of simply the lack of thought-of what one is doing, what one is saying, and when it is being said. Though it was foolish that the argument took place on Twitter of ALL places, it doesn't make up for the argument itself, the context, nothing. it was a willing throw into the fire pit. With those who throw themselves into these fire pits, it seems to be a reoccuring theme.

I've observed that the act that ususally gets these people into the fire pit remains the SAME, which is the odd part to me, it's just slightly modified. For example, if the said fire pit act is "to tease some one about their hair COLOR", I've noticed that the fire pit person insists on teasing people about their hair color KNOWING in the back of their mind it's going to get them tossed into the fire. However, they do it time and time again regardless. When they're lectured about it, they modify it 4 weeks later to teasing someone about the LENGTH of their hair. STOP teasing the person, PERIOD. THAT'S the point altogether. The fire pit people seem to engage in the same acts that get them into trouble repeatedly instead of...doing...something...brand new.
It's so sad....the point is missed REGULARLY and the act repeated so many times, so that just like Drake, when you're ready to do something brand new, it's too friggin' late.

I just want everyone to break the cycle, myself included. It's just about that time, that at the age we've all come into, despite still being young, that we all collectively do something..brand new.

Drizzy DRAKE

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

New Jack Update: Purchased

Forever 21 zipper tube dress

I have a pair of Report Signature Masonic sandals that I'm DYING to debut with this dress when it arrives...
I might just hold out on wearing this dress till my BFFs 24th birthday...we'll see...

New Jack Update: Coveted

Forever21 Polka Dot Romper
They ran out of my size!!! :(

Monday, July 6, 2009

Rihanna Update: A-Morir Kerin Rose "Love/Hate Convertible Chain Sunglasses"

I own only ONE pair of Prada glasses...

But, I MUST own these sunglasses by the end of the Summer..this entire outfit makes me disgustingly green with envy. I absolutely adore this woman's style, from head to toe...I really cannot speak badly about her.

This was worn by Rihanna leaving Philippe Chow Restaurant.
These A-Morir Kerin Rose glasses, I WILL own, mark my words. I will not eat for these glasses.

....Sorry if I sound like an evil villan....
{Images: Concrete Loop, A-Morir & Singer22}

600 Deep

It's almost not surprising to me, that my 600th post in The New Jack happened to be about my love for Alexander McQueen. This man's designs never ever fail to satisfy me. I want this Alexander McQueen Pelle Leather Sandal........$1,159.

{Image: Trend Dolls}

{Image: Rihanna Style}

I can't help but to find it humorous. I'm not even sure how 600 posts happened so quickly. I've put so much of my life out there and going backwards through 600 posts it almost seems like a total blur. Despite that, and despite other opinions, I feel as if I'm aging like fine wine. If you open the beginning back in 2007 and see where I've dragged, fought and crawled to in the year 2009 I've been moving. Maybe not as quickly as other alumni counterparts from our graduation point in 2007, but I'm moving regardless. Now, that I'm truly getting over having Watchmen syndrome, I know that only better things are in store for me.

After all, in most cases if you want something done you have to do it yourself. These 600 posts are something I've done all on my own, and to me that's something worth celebrating.
And one day, these writings will be the reason why I'll be able to buy Alexander McQueen boots on the fly.......

Ciara Update: Rap-Up Summer 2009 Cover

I just happen to love this cover of Ciara for Rap-Up magazine, Summer 2009.
I actually just won a book from them.
This cover makes me want to buy a leotard to wear to a club one night!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

New Jack Update: Purchased

Topshop Denim Bustier...
Cannot even wait for this thing to arrive on my doorstep, hopefully by early next week the latest..

New Jack Update: Money Can't Buy You Love

As cliche as it may sound, maybe I'm truly slowly understanding that "money can't buy you love".

Now, of course, it makes sense to say that any and everyone should knows that...but maybe it's something I only know about when I choose to know about it.

Money seems to be the root of all my evil and the answer to all my prayers simultaneously.

I've been delving into The Secret so hardcore and have seem to slowly been getting the hang ouf it....especially "what you think about, you bring about". I've been extensively studying people that I see in my daily life that execute it so well. I've been studying and trying to emulate. I've been distancing myself from negative forces and people and trying my very best to stick to that. And it HAS been working. The Secret has a whole section devoted to feelings about money; "You must feel good about money to have more of it".
I have been feeling very good about money lately. You do have to give without feeling like it's sacrificial or else it wont come to you. You have to share with others so that we can all have. However, I've always been aware that money can't buy you love or else, I would've emptied my savings account LONG ago to have it.

The Significant is in a bad place in his life.

I think he seriously needs psychiatric help, anger management, etc that if I had the money, it could essentially buy me back the person I love by returning that person "back to normal". Though The Secret is really showing me how to attract the things I want, and I'm seeing all those things come true ...there are somethings I'm realizing I'm not sure how I'm attracting so many negative things. I'm focusing on the things that I want, and envisioning myself with these things and feeling so good about life, and focusing on turning negatives to positives. I want to focus on helping him, but even in the light of The Secret you have to help yourself before you can help others.
Despite the anger, despite the fights that have been going on, I'm going to focus on the self.

"Can't nobody take my pride, can't nobody hooooold me down, oh no, I got to keep on movin."

Money Cant Buy You Love - Ralph Tresvant

Thursday, July 2, 2009