Wednesday, July 22, 2009

New Jack Update: Mold & Mildew

"Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own."-Eminem

This has been an interesting month of July, all-in-all. It's been filled with mold ithe n many more ways than I could've forseen. The only way to flip a negative to a positive is to analyze that the month of July was filled with mold, a semi-poison that in most instances is hazardous to humans, and at the end of the month, today, August 1st, all the poison has been sucked out.

So, let's backtrack through the poison...

The job woes of June where everything was continuously going wrong with marekting dollars that I truly couldn't handle just transitioned right into the month of July. A complete snowball effect. Despite this, I'm not going to live at my place of employment when it is not the path of my was a means to pay the bills and gain some experience. Experience. The thing that everyone said I needed to elevate to where I want to be, and boy did I get experience, and daily it was way more negative than positive. After 17 months of it, the poison truly weighed me down..I was truly heading back into a low-low point that I was regarding this position last winter. Where I was feeling swaggerjacked in every sense of the word.

Companies, Suppliers that would come, that I straight up did all the work for and my bosses would look at me, and walk around me and not introduce me. Or even better, wrongly introduce and give credit to others for my work. After all the breaking down, "whippings & beatings", tears I've shed, personality lost, I saw no greater mistreatment than this.
And though I believe "revenge is best served on a cold dish", the Bible advises against being vengeful so much and in the oddest rarity, I agree. All the mistreatment and misery I've suffered through that I could reel off the tongue, I seek not revenge.

In the tears that welled up in my eyes yesterday, I seek not revenge.
The acts of mistreatment in comparison to other members on my "team", and constantly being positioned as the black sheep, I seek not revenge.

Instead, I pity. Their behavior, their setup is such as a mold that will eat away at them, the same it ate away at me.
Ironically, two weeks ago, I suffered from such a physical poisoning as I actually ingested mold and for 3 whole days, it felt as if the lining of my stomach had disolved or had been eaten away. Such as the bread mold ate away at me and make me sick, is the same way the mold will eat away at them, so revenge not I seek.

If anyone to back track to all the things I've ever had to say, there was nothing ever positive. It was a daily grind and respected as such, until the full-on swaggerjacking began.

So I might be back at stage 1 of The New Jack, no job just like I didnt have when I first began writing in 2007 and I don't know how I'm going to pay the bills, just like back then, but I know that I'm free.

Hurt, but free.
Not vengeful, but free.
Penniless, but free.

Free from a true poison, of mold and mildew. I look forward to my next job, being poison-free.

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