Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Say My Name

"Love is a battlefield"-Pat Benatar
"Say My Name"-Destiny's Child

I'm in a predicament. Not serious of sorts...

The Significant has been busy. Busy beyond words, and we've been seeing each other barely once a week, and any one who knows me knows I'm not "that" type of girlfriend. If you're going to be with ME, you're going to BE with me. Calling what you wish, but I didn't want a boyfriend so I could see you once a month, if that be the case you should be a "homie on the block".

In words more or less...I'm hurting. I know its been quite awhile where I've written about the actual New Jack and I guess in my head I've been trying to sort TOO many things out as once, as opposed to putting it DOWN in here.
I'm extremely happy with how things have been between The Significant and I but the time share is killing me.

He could bepeddling drugs.
Or an escapee from prison
Or sleeping with approximately 14 women
Or be a pedophile .
But no...

My relationship is crashing due to lack of time spent with one another based on...children. Now I'm pretty sure several readers could smack me in the jaw for saying that, and those from Brooklyn probably annoyed hit the "X" in the right-hand corner of their browser. "Goodbye Firefox tab!!" But, I'm sad.

Call it, keeping it real in '08.

My BFF, Linette and I have ALWAYS been about that, but more so in the year 2008 not necessarily due to bad circumstance but sheerly just the impatience of it all. I don't have TIME to beat around the bush, or make pretty stories up in 2008. I just feel this URGE to get to the point as SOON as remotely possible.
I.E.: "You played me, that was foul, and I'm fucking pissed-talk to you later" as opposed to "Come on know that was mad unnecessary, you really had to do it like that son?"
Likewise, on Sunday it was the same with The Significant-"I miss you. I never see you, and I'm sick it. You're busy ALL the time and I'm frustrated and I'm not asking you to drop the little kids but I'm frustrated. I'm seeing you once a week, IF that lucky and its taking its toll. I understand you're apologetic, when is this going to get RECTIFIED more importantly"

I try to block it out of my mind.......
I try to block out how much I miss him, how different the time share is making things between us. I try to block out how much I'm feeling the effects of the honeymoon stage being...well, o-v-e-r. And even though I'm not expecting a permanent Honeymoon, as I will explain in Empress of the Ring, does the change have to be so radical?

He feels guilty...He feels awful. I hear something, a true genuine apologetic behavior in him not revealed much in two years so I KNOW it when I hear it.
He wants to fix it....but things are, awkward...

How does one argue....about being shared with...babies, that aren't yours?

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