This all really began in my mind over a week ago but I wasnt too sure how to put things down..but Ive finally come into the explanation for how I'm feeling...
Last week conversing with a friend and even closer knit, the couain of my BFF things got slightly derailed. In good conversation and jokes about how trashed I got on Thanksgiving eve he brought up his opinions regrding what he feels is my levels of happiness with The Signifcant. Taken totally aback we definitely got into deeper things like the feelings I have for his BFF..which now I'm so turned off by everything in general I've felt the need to pull away entirely from both boys. While conversing with my co-worker I really finlly came up with the title for why I feel the way I do about..love,relationships and especially marriage.
I'm truly on my Doctor Quinn swag. I mean I might be 22 but I feel that I'm very old deep down. I find it hard to keep up with my younger brother.. and the term "get lite" and amongst other various things. I'll admit it, don't believe a woman should mow the lawn the same way don't expect my husband to be in the kitchen cooking.
Call me traditional.
Call me retarded.
Or call me an old bastard.
I'm coming into a stage that I'm notng that as traditional as i might be that there are so many men who aren't that way. I'm really starting to feel like if you're not helping me with a horse and carriage then I dont need you right now. Men and Women alike. I'm trying to get my 40 acres and a mule, since the men of the new millenium are not interested in that.
I'm getting caught up in so many surrounding dramas that are not mine. Keywords: not mine. I'm trying very hard not to start 2009 on the wrong foot. I've set up my 401k and have all my health/dental/vision set to begin on 1/1/2009.
In the TV series "Dr.Quinn Medicine Woman" , Dr. Quinn was always quick to help people but never neglected herself. She had her love life: Sully, the Native American and she had her two children and had the perfect balance between her job: as the town doctor and her home life..
Currently, I have no such balance. I'm scatterbrained. This only hypes up my stress levels higher and when you sprinkle health drama that never helps.
My plan for 2009 is truly to be on my Dr. Quinn swag. When I hear all the petty fights I've been in recently as well as ridiculous fights amongst my friends sans me, some have occured because others are being put before me. Its almost become my job, as if I'm the town doctor that seemingly everyone has been running to, and do I care to help? Of course I do..but then it becomes..comedic. When I overhear everyones 2009 plans for themselves and none of it involves me after so many things I've done for them..lets just say im learning the lesson again of being so selfless. But just like Dr. Quinn, you'll never see an episode with her hand outstretched and the other hand on her hip, while tapping a foot waiting for payment.
Now 2008 was an amazing year for me and I'm realizng the ticket to making 2009 the same way is that I have to truly map out my shit first then, help everyone else I care about as I HAVE more to offer not before...that's whats gotten me caught up. I'm taking the first week and two days of the New Year to get into the true mindframe. To be with everyone I care about and lay the plans down correctly. Finish fixing my credit. Use all the health services I'm paying for to get the best care and get my heath on as best track it can be. Get an SUV by early to mid summer. Finish using this stepping stone and step up into a position better tailored to my life... Get my waist back down to 26inches like it was when I was 18. Be way more financially stable and have more than $17 in my savings account but not less than $3500. Make moves into an apartment late 2009 into Nassau county so that I have my Long Island peace but its very easy to commute to the city for what will be a job in the city as well as my night and social life.
Something else I noted..have you ever seen Dr. Quinn angry? No, I didnt think so. In suit of the swag..I think it's time I started working on that part too....