Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Detox: A Definition

I've started an all around detox..

Main Entry: de·tox
Pronunciation: \ˈdē-ˌtäks, di-ˈtäks\
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive
Date: 1973

1 : detoxification from an intoxicating or addictive substance clinic>
2 : a detox program or facility

detox [ˈdiːˌtɒks] Informal

(Medicine) treatment designed to rid the body of poisonous substances, esp alcohol and drugs
(Medicine) to undergo treatment to rid the body of poisonous substances, esp alcohol and drugs
[from (for sense 1) detoxification or (for sense 2) detoxicate]

I've come to realize...and I mean, truly realize the level in which we're responsible for our lives. I've come even more so, to realize the level in which we poison ourselves. These beautiful creatures that God took so much time to create, and we, as humans, are the most destructive creatures...ever. And HE didn't create us to be destructive, we've allowed ourselves to become corrupt and destroy so much beauty.

We're so harmful to one another.....

The things we say, the things we do, the actions, the behaviors, the plots and schemes...It's so much. It's so...sad. After my very messy birthday party bus on Saturday, the 17th..I've just been thinking a lot. I'll admit, I've been crying uncontrollably as I feel like there's so much that I've taken in that I'm sort of going through a system overload. I turned 24 years old, now, one week to the is the 21st of April, and so much as hit me as a total flood. And it makes me sorrowful.

I'm struggling. I'm struggling with all this knowledge. However, despite all this knowledge and awareness that I am struggling with..I am grateful. I feel blessed. I am currently stressed, sorrowful, confused and keeping distant from all those people that I care for, but those feelings are only temporary. Only temporary. What is forever is this knowledge. This awareness. This all coming to me at once to grant me a true opportunity to change. To help others see. To be empowered and have a true purpose.

So....I've started a detox. A full, all around detox.

From studying in depth the magnitude of my hypothyroidism and its effects on me currently, to what it will most certainly become if I don't start to change by detoxing my body. To cleaning the spaces around me, and ridding myself of old things-physical items that provide negative or sad memories of something or rather, someone lost. To applying myself to finding a better job that truly will suit my personality and abilities so that I'm not just getting up for a "job", so that I'm getting up thanks to the love of God to pursue my life.

It's a lot.

It's so much, that I almost feel like I've failed in explanation of all I'm truly undergoing by attempting to blog this entry.

It's a lot.

It's massive.

But I'm doing the right thing. I'm cleaning it all out. I've tried to clean it all out, and its been unsuccessful and I've always been immensely frustrated in questioning..."why?". I didn't have the knowledge then. I didn't know then. I had will. I had desire. I didn't have knowledge. You can always want to ride a bike, but you wont be successful without training wheels if you just don't

And now, I know the how-to.

Love as if you'll never be able to love again.

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