Referring to my last post, Snake Bites, I received an anonymous comment that for some reason, sort of stunned me, or made me think or maybe just made me blank for a moment. A moment that for some time, I've truly needed.
I haven't been writing with the frequency that I once used to, that's a fact. Being 24, trying to establish a career and who knows what the hell else, dealing with a "9 to 5", losing it, a recent miscarriage, the Ex-Significant, the current All-Star..well, I'm usually pretty spent. So what was once upon a time where I wrote here in The New Jack near as a religious practice & received a host of comments I couldn't keep up with-is no longer. My views, subscribers and readership has died down as I've neglected myself and this being my usually only form of expression.
When I do get a comment, nowadays, it truly alerts my attention.
The comment from this stranger in my mind poises them as an invisible EMT. As injured as I feel I am, covered in "snake bites" if you will, some stranger gave me their thoughts, in turn making me think...positively-even if just for that blank moment. There's always a paramedic in the ambulance encouraging the injured that they're "going to make it" or "we're almost at the hospital, you're gonna be fine".
Well this strangers comment is serving that purpose.
I could say in cliche, "penny for your thoughts?" but apparently I've just received a full dollar.
And with the power of purchase, who would turn down a dollar over a penny?
Not sure how I ventured across your blog but I have & though I am nothing more than anonymous, I have found myself feeling the urge to reply.
During the course of my visit today, I have read several of your postings & while I could very well be incorrect in my interpretations - I have only the words you've written by which to go off of - to me the picture that is painted onto the canvas of a stranger is that of a sensitive soul who takes a lot to heart, while trying to maintain an outward appearance which runs to the opposite. If I am wrong in that deduction than please by all means disregard me as yet another random soul who fails at psychology.
In this life the most important lessons - & often the hardest - to be learned will always come from those closest to you. Just as you learn the meaning of love & affection from family, you will also discover the multiple levels of disappointment & heartbreak from those whom you've chosen to invest yourself. Regarding the negative, it is a natural response when faced with the level of emotional abuse that you apparently have endured from someone who claimed to care, that you would in some form or fashion attempt to hold yourself responsible for their transgressions & question your self-worth. After all if you hadn't somehow failed in your role as a woman than your "Ex-Significant " wouldn't have run around on you, right?
Natural reaction surely, but is it correct…?? - The obvious answer is "No" but the reasoning behind such thoughts merits further discussion -
It sometimes bears reminding that taking a step back from a situation when you begin to feel overwhelmed amongst the muck & mire will often help to propel one to the proper solution. If you remove subjectivity from the equation - difficult as it may be - you see that this great wide world is made up of all sorts of people. There are doctors who donate their time to fix cleft palates in the 3rd world & then there are those who scam Medicare. There are Lawyers who champion the underprivileged & too many who chase ambulances with $$$ signs reflected in their eyes. Parents who raise their children to be upstanding citizens & those who lead their children down the road of thuggary/vice. People who back their words of affection with like action & people who lie/manipulate with no regard to others feelings in order to further their own agendas. And there is also an articulate blogger with a wounded heart who rages against herself & a beautiful woman risen from the ashen remains left by a lesson fed her against her will; strengthened by the knowledge that she persevered in the face of such adversity.
I'm going to bookmark this site & check back in a few days, allow you to read my comments & decide for yourself whether or not you might have any interest in sharing some dialogue with an anonymous such as myself, who has been there.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey & will simply leave off with on elast thought…
The intial harm never can be antcipated but once an individual has caused you that pain, they can not hurt you further unless you provide them with the leeway to do so.