Thursday, May 13, 2010

Eyes of the Beholder

This baby is only 6 months old. She wears the tiniest glasses ever and came in to my current place of employment a week ago.

My eye doctor was explaining to me that she doesn't swat the glasses off of her face because at 6 months, she can tell the difference in clarity of what she's seeing with and without the glasses.

To many people, 24 years old is really young..and I personally have always had a thing about age where I feel like 24 is actually quite old. I feel as if there's a list of things I should've already done, accomplished, planned for, conquered by this age and it bothers me when I look at it all and see that I haven't. My mind is always ticking, however, being 24 for only 4 weeks now it seemed as if the minute April 14th hit the adult thoughts just started to kick into an extreme overdrive. I really, really want my own apartment again. I really want steady, mass amounts of money so that I can be just beyond comfortable sustaining myself in my OWN of everything and still be able to save money for a rainy day.
Being as my last day at my retail job is...tomorrow, and I wont be having such a guaranteed money flow I'm analyzing the frivolous things I spend money on. I never thought I'd catch myself saying this but as much as I LOVE my friends, alcohol is not a necessity. It's a leisure..and if you have good money to support such a luxury then by all means, drink till you're under the table. I'm not financially stable enough to support such a luxury and I shouldn't be going out partying as if I do. I could be using that money to pay my phone bill, or my debt to my college or just put it down for a rainy day. Even furthermore, not that I should be drinking anyway, I have a thyroid disorder. I'm trying to get my physical self together in terms of dealing with it while I'm young because though this is apart of my life, for the rest of my life I don't want when I'm older its debilitating. Once we're older, we cannot go back and fix that damage.

I'm realizing that my views on everything are steadily changing....more and more, each day...
If I'm grateful to the Lord for my body, for life, then why am I destroying it? Why am I spending money I don't have in order TO destroy it? These are some of the thoughts that are starting to roll in constant circulation in my mind these days. I haven't had a car in approximately 6 months and it's been far from easy living on Long Island with no car. I should be investing my energy into that. I don't have an established career. I'm ashamed of that fact. I need to be living in my own place again so my parents can actually have, theirs. As I'm redirecting my views, I'm redirecting my focus.

But vision is all solely based on the eye of the beholder.


Always Perfectly Imperfect said...

Oh, taking that bus to B&N, Old Navy, Target,Modell's or Westbury may be a bitch but you need to COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, honey bunny.

You could be debilitated to the point of being homebound & praying to go out for a bus ride -- or a ride on the LIRR to the city.

You could also be dead & never have the gift of life again.

Please live in the PRESENT MOMENT, beautiful mama. EMBRACE your gifts of time & UNDERSTANDING. Remember you are EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE -- GOD'S got His own PDA... he's scheduling you, your life & path on HIS schedule NOT yours. *Grumble*Stomp*Pout*

It's ok... you'll be OK! Just ACCEPT the grace glitter He is sprinkling you with :).

If you wanna have a tantrum, SMASH cups & dishes to GET IT OUT. For a cheap diva tip ~ throw ICE ;p.

In the mind of Mr.Black said...

Just beautiful I loved..... check out my site ok once again beautiful

New Jack said...

Thanks Mr. Black...I don't want anyone to misinterpret the entry because I'm not complaining in the least. I'm really glad that I'm adapting positively and realizing how much of a negative life I have been living because of HOW I viewed things. Now that God is a permanent staple in my life, I'm starting to SEE things for how they are and how lucky I truly am..

I'm realizing a lot of us as people don't see things for how they are because we're so quick to see the negative as opposed to all the beauty that God has provided for us. Even when we think He's forsaken us there's a scripture that states "...if I've taken care of...and the birds of the air, will I not take care of you?" And it's true. For him to list all the animals he oversees and provides for, what are we worried about? ..We're so dumb sometimes..

Glad you guys read and enjoyed!!