Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

off to work I didn't go.


So just like my last entry regarding the Discipline Principle, I'm realizing how severely I lack it. I have a completion issue. I truly do and what many people don't realize is that there's a strength in looking inside yourself and admitted that something is incorrect. The follow up to that though must be to correct it.

So, like I was saying I most definitely have a completion issue. What I think is the shocking and worst part of it is, is that I fear being successful as badly as I may want to be. I think I'm afraid of having everything I've ever dreamed of...and losing it all. By never completing anything I've been passionate about it has no chance of growing into some asset that can be taken from me. I mean, I'm half living with the man of my dreams and sometimes I ponder a breakup because I'm petrified to lose him the deeper our love gets.
I've sabotaged job interviews for myself. I've stopped all efforts behind & Two amazing ideas that could've (& maybe still could be) been highly profitable and I froze them. Yes, in part due to work and time restraints, but you'd think such an amazing idea I would jump at the chance to keep pressing forward with them.

Like...I don't know what my problem is..
Well, I mean I know what the fuck my problem is but you get the drift..

How did I even come to be this way? I'm stressed out by my lack OF success, so why am I doing things to keep myself paralyzed from gaining success? Is it a form of an OCD disorder? Is it something that I personally can fix or do I need assistance of some sort..
I'm very curious as to how I've become this way, but despite my curiosity, I don't really have time to dig as to why I may only have time to figure out the escape route.
So to sum it up: I'm unemployed, real estate license-less, gained a little more weight and haven't done my physical 7-day detox kit- all the above planned last week.

I need to regroup and actually get to life work, and finish the job....

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