I watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"...the cartoon this morning...
I ate a 'snack wrap' from McDonalds for Breakfast..it's a day old..
Some might deem this as......
but most importantly...
However, no matter what others might deem it as, I did these things because I chose to do them. Not off the thought of what others might feel, think or say about it.
Anyone who has been reading is aware of the current turmoil I've been in with my job...and yesterday, Boss Lady and I had an amazing conversation about..everything that as she put it is "lost in translation". It seems that, many who I speak to, aren't translating the things I'm saying or understanding me. In times like this, as opposed to digging a hole for yourself, I would rather keep my mouth shut with those parties and speak in depth to the parties that I can actually trust. I want to say "much to my surprise", but it's not..that the information regarding my blog has been disclosed to my boss. Of course, I know exactly where that came from. My boss brought it up, not being negative..but the fact that she was seemingly reported to irritates me.
This is my work....
This is my method of expression...
There is nothing to report...
And more importantly, just as it was stated in the conversation, it is my "freedom of speech" and off the strength of that solely I will not stop writing nor will I censor myself.
I think what truly annoys me, is with all other stresses and my job being one of them..I don't need, nor did I ever ask for a Public Relations representative. If anyone needs to consult how I feel, think etc. it's all here; no need for translation or self-interpretation.
Lately, I'm so stressed and angry that I literally feel the pressure in my heart beat. I mean it can't be normal that I feel evey single heart beat in my chest with a slight pain right?
....I didnt think so..
When I thought I wasn't already lost enough in translation during the first 8 hours of my day, The Significant tops it off.
He might be moving out of state to finish college, in which at this EXTREMELY late point in his game makes absolutely NO sense and is NOT remotely cost effective. More importantly, his younger sibling is entering their first year of college, and it seems like the plan is almost to follow the sibling to their location and play..."big brother". The whole point of one going AWAY to college is for them to engage in a learning experience..He's almost stripping the opportunity away if the constant thought is "What if something happens". That's the POINT of college. Everything happens. It's the opportunity to learn from the curve balls, not have a Secret Service on standby to protect you from those curve balls. Over the past week, every thing that I'm saying to him regarding the subject and any other subject for that matter-we argue. I'm not sure if it's minor roadblocks this past week, or if I'm seeing these things and putting it together as things that I know I will not stand for in the future. That would mean a dead end. He even made a comment, that came across as deeply conceited and it struck such a nerve with me and in me explaining to him that he is pretty conceited, we haven't' spoken in two days.
Now does it bother me that we're not speaking? Of COURSE it does...it always bothers me when we're fighting with one another. But the difference about this situation is, the truth hurts..doesnt' it?
Apparently I'm so lost in translation..that all my speech is chopped and screwed..