I'm a mess right now...
In more ways than one.....
It all began on Tuesday, where I was involved in an accident at work. I was injured, but in the shock of it all not realizing how severely injured until the pain and dizziness set in...
Over the last three days, everything is happening in the fast lane...and I'm not sure if that's because time is moving so quickly or because I'm so dizzy all the time from the concussion I suffer from. I've been out of work for the last three days and had to return to the ER to be x-rayed for further damage from pain I've been experiencing. I won't be back for at least another day as a result. Damages that I don't even want to detail...
However, all in all I'm very frustrated. Frustrated that I can't quite move around. Frustrated, as I felt that The Significant wasn't being overly compassionate, which I cleared all that information on how I was feeling directly with him. Furthermore frustrated that I had to lock my Twitter account. It's funny to me that people insist that they're above things, and that "this is so immature"-meaning social networking: Facebook, Twitter, Blogging, Myspace, etc. and yet, manage to Twitter stalk you without even having their own Twitter account.
I mean, when you look at it, what does it say about a person that Twitter stalks people, without having a Twitter account? People fail to look into the actions behind what people do and why people do what they do. The person who is always so quick to point a finger and say that "X actions" are immature, also turns out to be the person snooping into all the "X actions". And, it's sad. I was warned SO many times, by so many people even people not remotely friendly or close to me that said "You're getting too close to that one", "That one, please, trash talks you the minute you leave to EVERYONE and then insists that you two are partners/buddies/friends...yeah, good job", but after being burned once (the situation involving my blog being put on blast) I didn't listen. I let time pass, and then somehow genuinely started believe that they wouldn't go out there and put my blog on blast and furthermore, not paint it out as something it's not-a hate book. I blog about my life. Anything that happens, people that are in it, situations I'm in, things that interest me, etc.
Hence the term, "life journalist"?
(I've also seen how much people fail to actually know their constitutional rights as well as new digital millenium copyright acts regarding speech, art and written works for what people are ALLOWED TO DO and cannot be dictated otherwise to do by any other party, regardless of their personal feelings in the matter. As this is the SECOND time I've been direct requested to not write about something, as if they have a say in the matter?)
But when the "boy cries wolf" only so many times and says "I didn't do it, and I wouldn't do it" and then somehow gets proven later to have such a high amount of stealth...it speaks volumes. I don't even know if I should deem such behavior as stealth or good old rotten sneakiness. For there is a wrought difference between the FBI and a weasel.
It just opened up my mind. I truly have been warned a trillion times-of the fakeness, the deceitfulness, the "constant desire to get ahead, they'll friend ANYONE if it means they can USE them to get to the top", the "money grubbing" etc. and here I sit, burned twice.
Nevertheless, I move forward. Physically and mentally in pain, but forward nonetheless. Within the three days, it has been painted out to me across various platforms that it takes you to get physically injured to the point that you depend on assistance to see the colors that one truly bleeds. You see who claims to be your friends, and who responds to you snarkly when you request the help. You see how dismissive or how overly loving someone can be when you need them. You see the true values of company structure and where your health ranks in terms of importance. You see how in depth family is willing to or not willing to come to your aid.
It's enlightening and pathetic simultaneously.
My parents told a story to demonstrate the reasoning why I should just not be angry anymore, for the incessant desire to be a snoop must come at a price.
Apparently, there is a movie, where two best friends are together, both male and one of them buys a lotto ticket. The friends discover that the ticket is the winning ticket! Naturally, to set the plot, before the winning friend can cash his ticket, he dies but hid his ticket before his death. The other companion, not distraught over the death but more focused on how to be sneaky enough to FIND the winning ticket searches endlessly and uses all of his "stealth" to discover...the ticket was buried with his friend. At this point in time, the deceased friend's body is in the stage of decomposal, and regardless, his friend insists with eyes of greed to dig up his body to retrieve the ticket. In such mass horror to see his friend's decomposed state, his facial muscles permanently relax leaving this weasel of a friend with a frightening full face grin that directly resembles near to a decomposed skull itself. The friend cashes his winning ticket, and receives millions upon millions but is forced to wear a mask to hide his permanent horrific disfigurement as the price to pay for seeking out the money of his deceased friend. As his stealth and sneakiness got him millions, he had not one soul to share it with as everyone was disgusted and frightenened by his "new" features and he was forced to be alone with his millions.
Greed always comes at a price.
For just as there is a thin line between love and hate, there is one for stealth and deceit.
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