I haven't been able to organize all my thoughts to write correctly. I've been under so much stress and pressure that it is all clear in my head but the minute I try to write it comes out all unorganized. This has been my remedy:
J. Holiday.
Now I love to look at him, as do most women but I had no idea that his music would be so soothing. Or that he would be so much of a hood rat, but to each his own.
The situations of my life are all compiling together and I truly have a feeling like I'm going to snap. The thing is me "snapping" can't possibly be a good thing. More New Jack math:
Snap=violation of probation.
Violation of probation+New Jack=Jail.
For the DIRECT people that are stressing me out. Please, please enjoy yourself as much as possible. I simply ask that you make sure you cannot be found on October 30th, 2008 when I am officially cleared. If you are found, and I'm still this stressed, your face will be your Halloween costume.
For anyone that doesn't know, The New Jack is Jamaican and a ganja smoker. Cigarettes never. Chronic, something else. I'm obviously NOT allowed to smoke, and nor have I since September 29th of 2007 days before my arrest. I posted the best of J. Holiday's album for you and I REALLY,REALLY think you should take a listen.
If you want the entire album....
Really, if you need to just slow down..and maybe smoke a blunt..this is something really nice to listen to while smoking alone.
ESPECIALLY "Laa Laa". Man, the day AFTER my shit is over, I intend to sit right next to my BFF Linette and smoke like a billion to this song with her and probably Deanna. Back of My Lac and Thug Commandments are two others I really, really like. I'll be smoking to those too. Out my favorites list I can't really say there is one song I don't like or couldn't listen to twice-that's just me. My BFF has definitely been trying to keep me calm...keeping me under the umbrella. We've both been trying to control something for the other. She's trying to keep me from flipping and I'm trying to get her to slow down her life. At least, slowing her down some is working. I hope her part for me kicks in SOON. She knows if it happens, I'll catch a charge, straight up 5-0 taking me out the door.
"Be With Me" was J's first single. A lot of people didn't know about this track, they just HOPPED on "Bed". I was OBSESSED with "Be With Me" when it first dropped LONG before "Bed" and I remember being very fearful that "Be With Me" wasn't going to be the smash that "Bed" became and that I was never going to hear from this kid again. The next thing I know, everyone I know is trying to put someone's ass to "bed-bed-bed".
So maybe at the end of October...I'll be in the Back of My Sentra and this situation will be put to Bed.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
To Quote or Not to Quote
"People will always talk about you, especially when they envy you and the life you live. Let them. You affected their life, they didn't affect yours."
The situation from the post, "Just Like Swimming" has finally come to an explosion. Arguing, denials, ended communications, nasty away messages, Myspace blog posts. These are the actions of someone 4 years my senior. It has been pretty clarified amongst the 4 people, myself included that when the truth comes out no one wants to claim their statements. I'm not angry. There's no need to be. Despite my age, that people incessantly use against me and call me "baby" I repeatedly prove to be the adult in EVERY single situation of my life. Especially altercations.
I WOULD quote the away message of her...no need....
I WOULD quote the Myspace blog post...no need...
To directly quote her though, "I don't do dramatics". If you don't, then was there a need to post an away message and Myspace blog post about it? More importantly, to post and attempt to cover up YOUR wrongdoings and chatterbox behavior?
The best quote to live by in all of this situation that has officially ended in shambles is simple:
"People will always talk about you, especially when they envy you and the life you live. Let them. You affected their life, they didn't affect yours."
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
$100 per Hour
I feel like I'm getting scammed...
The company seemed taken aback by my education on this industry.
Apparently, they have hundreds of girls just signing papers and taking the money and running with it. Do I have serious bills and debt to handle? Yes very much so. Am I selling my soul to the Devil for a couple hundred dollars and nude pictures of me pop up in 3 years. Fuck no. The consultant and I had about an hour long conversation this morning after him receiving my photos in the mail last night. He is very excited and as am I, but if you make $8,000 off of me being naked, am I only supposed to receive $300 and no rights to the photos or royalties off your profits? I don't think so.
It's very, very sad to me that so many women my age and slightly younger are just TOSSING their bodies at the Industry with NO promise for a future. Signing things without reading, taking their tops for additional money, not inquiring about their rights to the photos, distribution and royalties etc. It's so hard. Do women not realize that we ARE the power holders? Without OUR bodies and willingness to comply there will be no "Eye Candy" market? Men will ALWAYS want to look at women, but if we ALL were start dressing in garbage bags, NO ONE will profit. Magazines, Men, Everyone profits when WE profit FIRST. We ARE the product. I intend to still meet with the consultant while being accompanied by The Significant. I will not be scammed because they STRONGLY believe that all women under the age of 25 are uneducated and will leap for the opportunity to get paid to take their tops off.
Currently, you're damn right I would die for $100 per hour, but with how famous I will be in the future, and my DIGNITY that $100 is seeming like real change these days.....
The company seemed taken aback by my education on this industry.
Apparently, they have hundreds of girls just signing papers and taking the money and running with it. Do I have serious bills and debt to handle? Yes very much so. Am I selling my soul to the Devil for a couple hundred dollars and nude pictures of me pop up in 3 years. Fuck no. The consultant and I had about an hour long conversation this morning after him receiving my photos in the mail last night. He is very excited and as am I, but if you make $8,000 off of me being naked, am I only supposed to receive $300 and no rights to the photos or royalties off your profits? I don't think so.
It's very, very sad to me that so many women my age and slightly younger are just TOSSING their bodies at the Industry with NO promise for a future. Signing things without reading, taking their tops for additional money, not inquiring about their rights to the photos, distribution and royalties etc. It's so hard. Do women not realize that we ARE the power holders? Without OUR bodies and willingness to comply there will be no "Eye Candy" market? Men will ALWAYS want to look at women, but if we ALL were start dressing in garbage bags, NO ONE will profit. Magazines, Men, Everyone profits when WE profit FIRST. We ARE the product. I intend to still meet with the consultant while being accompanied by The Significant. I will not be scammed because they STRONGLY believe that all women under the age of 25 are uneducated and will leap for the opportunity to get paid to take their tops off.
Currently, you're damn right I would die for $100 per hour, but with how famous I will be in the future, and my DIGNITY that $100 is seeming like real change these days.....
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Alcohol Poisoning
A Saturday night recap...
I spent this past Saturday extremely drunk. After a NOT quiet, HALO and 2K8 night in Hempstead on Friday, I pretty much assumed that my Saturday would have been smooth. Romantic even. A little Blockbuster movie with my mother. Some curry goat. Not when you have the friends I have. I'm sure none of them know what romance with their parents is....
I discovered that Linette, my BFF is related to the entire world and yet again, now a pair of twins Brandon and Bryant that I attended Oneonta with are ALSO her cousins. Bryant came over and pre gaming began and my house, where we discovered that Vanilla Svedka tastes like Vicks formula 44 cough syrup. Sitting at my bar in the basement my BFF VOLUNTEERED my father's bottle of Absolut. Here is an adorable photo of us PRIOR to being DONE.
We went to Origin which is located in Farmingdale and Bryant (who we SWEAR his album just dropped) purchased the entire first round of drinks and paid our cover charge. I made the UNWISE mistake of taking a Long Island Iced Tea which tasted like poison on the rocks. While the girls decided to taste and SPILL each others drinks...
And then this is truly us......when Hennessey comes into the pictures...
Equation: People+Hennessey=Possible DEATH
Soon after this photo, Chas fell, we spilled more drinks..and Bean and I raped this Black kid...
I crawled into bed at 10 after 5...and thus far, I've been taking my days QUITE easy...
I spent this past Saturday extremely drunk. After a NOT quiet, HALO and 2K8 night in Hempstead on Friday, I pretty much assumed that my Saturday would have been smooth. Romantic even. A little Blockbuster movie with my mother. Some curry goat. Not when you have the friends I have. I'm sure none of them know what romance with their parents is....
I discovered that Linette, my BFF is related to the entire world and yet again, now a pair of twins Brandon and Bryant that I attended Oneonta with are ALSO her cousins. Bryant came over and pre gaming began and my house, where we discovered that Vanilla Svedka tastes like Vicks formula 44 cough syrup. Sitting at my bar in the basement my BFF VOLUNTEERED my father's bottle of Absolut. Here is an adorable photo of us PRIOR to being DONE.
We went to Origin which is located in Farmingdale and Bryant (who we SWEAR his album just dropped) purchased the entire first round of drinks and paid our cover charge. I made the UNWISE mistake of taking a Long Island Iced Tea which tasted like poison on the rocks. While the girls decided to taste and SPILL each others drinks...
And then this is truly us......when Hennessey comes into the pictures...
Equation: People+Hennessey=Possible DEATH
Soon after this photo, Chas fell, we spilled more drinks..and Bean and I raped this Black kid...
I crawled into bed at 10 after 5...and thus far, I've been taking my days QUITE easy...
Monday, January 7, 2008
Just Like Swimming
LibraDreamer: ur blog is a trip....really Dee sex n mcdonalds...u gotta eat that stuff AFTER u pop one not b4 like eating b4 u go swimming
New Jack: LMAO, I can't swim!
Maybe, it is just like swimming, with the goal being keeping your head above water....
Someone I know wants to break The Significant and I apart. Yes, it is well understood to me that the entire year of 2007 was extremely drama filled for our relationship. It did appear to the general public that we did more fighting than anything. For someone to say though, "I'm tired of them being together..we need to break them up..." is totally different. You say "I'm tired" in reference to making a switch from Wendy's to Mcdonalds. Not that just because you're "tired" of seeing two people TOGETHER that somehow you were given the divine right to separate the two people.
This is me trying to keep my head above water, and not shank bitches....
I know what I'm about, I know what I had planned to fix during 2008. This IS a test of my patience and control. I can find where you live and shank you. I'm on probation until October, do NOT let me violate it. I know what I am physically capable of. Do NOT underestimate my cuteness.
I am Jamaican and I was raised in Brooklyn, I EXCEL in wielding a machete.
I feel no need to TALK about shanking you because I will BE about shanking your bitch ass. People continuously expect that I cannot cause them physical damage because I look like a "cute girl". I'm not a girl, I am a woman and I will cut you if you piss me off. Ask the ex that was stabbed in the thigh with a pen.
I'm a very nice girl. Just do NOT manipulate my trust...that will above everything get you shanked quicker than you think.
The End.
New Jack: LMAO, I can't swim!
Maybe, it is just like swimming, with the goal being keeping your head above water....
Someone I know wants to break The Significant and I apart. Yes, it is well understood to me that the entire year of 2007 was extremely drama filled for our relationship. It did appear to the general public that we did more fighting than anything. For someone to say though, "I'm tired of them being together..we need to break them up..." is totally different. You say "I'm tired" in reference to making a switch from Wendy's to Mcdonalds. Not that just because you're "tired" of seeing two people TOGETHER that somehow you were given the divine right to separate the two people.
This is me trying to keep my head above water, and not shank bitches....
I know what I'm about, I know what I had planned to fix during 2008. This IS a test of my patience and control. I can find where you live and shank you. I'm on probation until October, do NOT let me violate it. I know what I am physically capable of. Do NOT underestimate my cuteness.
I am Jamaican and I was raised in Brooklyn, I EXCEL in wielding a machete.
I feel no need to TALK about shanking you because I will BE about shanking your bitch ass. People continuously expect that I cannot cause them physical damage because I look like a "cute girl". I'm not a girl, I am a woman and I will cut you if you piss me off. Ask the ex that was stabbed in the thigh with a pen.
I'm a very nice girl. Just do NOT manipulate my trust...that will above everything get you shanked quicker than you think.
The End.
Useful Information
"Time+Passion+Commitment=Success" (quote:etienneteo.com)
Makes sense right?
Ok, now this is something I've adapted for the New Year and if you've been reading my changes for the 2008 are things I am very focused about making PERMANENT. I'm not changing them solely for the hell of "New Years Resolutions"
Here's some information relevant for BOTH you and I:
Career:
Everyone and their mama knows that The New Jack is currently UNEMPLOYED. Money has been the problem child of my 2007. It's the new year and all the companies have fresh budgets. Even though our job market SUCKS and unemployment is up from 4.7 to a solid 5% you and I BOTH shouldn't get discouraged. A quick Yahoo! article might make you think about things.
CSS/Photoshop/Freebies:
Everyone who does anything remotely developmental to the web wants to do things either faster or less stress involved. Smashing Magazine has dedicated themselves in little "How to do..", tutorials, icons, graphics, Photoshop information, you name it. It really is like their slogan: "We smash you with the information that will make your life easier, really" So if you're struggling with something and almost deleted your entire project by accident a la New Jack last week, don't induce a near stroke like I did...Just go to Smashing Magazine please.
End of Winter clearance:
I feel like you already are aware that the holidays are over. Even though Wednesday was 15 degrees in New York with a wind chill of 5, the stores are quickly slapping clearance tags on everything known to MAN and offering flip flops, cargo shorts and summer dresses in JANUARY. I will continue to don my rabbit fur coat but you might as well shop for my unemployed ass. Alloy has some OK things, but a great array of last year's summer shoes on clearance and I might just put my Wamu account into a negative buying a couple pairs. Use the code: AEX to get free shipping on an order over $75. Sorry that's all I got for you for free shipping. And! The catch is that this clearance is over in 3 days. So before its over, knock yourself out at Alloy.com.
Boredom/Jealousy/Masturbation/Gym Inspiration:
Remember these photos?
Yes you do..
Go peek for yourself at: UrbanCurves.net and their Myspace page.
Hope this helped your day some!
Makes sense right?
Ok, now this is something I've adapted for the New Year and if you've been reading my changes for the 2008 are things I am very focused about making PERMANENT. I'm not changing them solely for the hell of "New Years Resolutions"
Here's some information relevant for BOTH you and I:
Career:
Everyone and their mama knows that The New Jack is currently UNEMPLOYED. Money has been the problem child of my 2007. It's the new year and all the companies have fresh budgets. Even though our job market SUCKS and unemployment is up from 4.7 to a solid 5% you and I BOTH shouldn't get discouraged. A quick Yahoo! article might make you think about things.
CSS/Photoshop/Freebies:
Everyone who does anything remotely developmental to the web wants to do things either faster or less stress involved. Smashing Magazine has dedicated themselves in little "How to do..", tutorials, icons, graphics, Photoshop information, you name it. It really is like their slogan: "We smash you with the information that will make your life easier, really" So if you're struggling with something and almost deleted your entire project by accident a la New Jack last week, don't induce a near stroke like I did...Just go to Smashing Magazine please.
End of Winter clearance:
I feel like you already are aware that the holidays are over. Even though Wednesday was 15 degrees in New York with a wind chill of 5, the stores are quickly slapping clearance tags on everything known to MAN and offering flip flops, cargo shorts and summer dresses in JANUARY. I will continue to don my rabbit fur coat but you might as well shop for my unemployed ass. Alloy has some OK things, but a great array of last year's summer shoes on clearance and I might just put my Wamu account into a negative buying a couple pairs. Use the code: AEX to get free shipping on an order over $75. Sorry that's all I got for you for free shipping. And! The catch is that this clearance is over in 3 days. So before its over, knock yourself out at Alloy.com.
Boredom/Jealousy/Masturbation/Gym Inspiration:
Remember these photos?
Yes you do..
Go peek for yourself at: UrbanCurves.net and their Myspace page.
Hope this helped your day some!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Sex and Mcdonalds
I've truly come to realize that some things just do not mix....
Even things that you're convinced are two great things that are great separately just MUST be fabulous together...
Sex and Mcdonalds do not mix.
Well, neither does sex and Wendy's.
I've been having a bad habit of getting laid after consuming fast food, as of late. Maybe within a half hour of consuming the food I've been doing this. I have been getting so unbelievably sick afterwards from the stomach cramps that I've finally put my foot down. No more sex and Mcdonalds. After spending a fabulous night with The Significant and his cousins, watching 8 of them flip out over Halo I've been extremely sick. I had a really entertaining time last night. They played from about 8:30p.m. to about 3 this morning. I was fine, just sleepy from Captain Morgan until just before 6 a.m. this morning and a love affair with a double cheeseburger, sprite and Significant.
I'm recuperating decently....
I think...
Even things that you're convinced are two great things that are great separately just MUST be fabulous together...
Sex and Mcdonalds do not mix.
Well, neither does sex and Wendy's.
I've been having a bad habit of getting laid after consuming fast food, as of late. Maybe within a half hour of consuming the food I've been doing this. I have been getting so unbelievably sick afterwards from the stomach cramps that I've finally put my foot down. No more sex and Mcdonalds. After spending a fabulous night with The Significant and his cousins, watching 8 of them flip out over Halo I've been extremely sick. I had a really entertaining time last night. They played from about 8:30p.m. to about 3 this morning. I was fine, just sleepy from Captain Morgan until just before 6 a.m. this morning and a love affair with a double cheeseburger, sprite and Significant.
I'm recuperating decently....
I think...
Friday, January 4, 2008
Coco Chanel
This is how I've spent my morning thus far:
I cannot wait until I have a job.....
I want some Chanel glasses. I'm over my Prada ones.
I should be having a phone date with Pleasure Magazine today. I really hope they get serious and pick my black ass. Especially if I got a cover? Now that would be wild. We missed our phone date yesterday so I made it known via e-mail that I will be available to talk during the day today (God help my Verizon wireless bill) and that I really want them to contact me. I feel like Urban Curves will get back to me when they're ready, if they're ever going to be ready. I more feel the desire to chase Pleasure and BlackBoxxx. BlackBoxxx especially because I would like to write for them as well.
I had a near stroke yesterday afternoon.
I figured, it's the New Year and I'm feeling great, let me completely change my template entirely to SPICE up the lives of my readers. Ummm, maybe not so much. If you were on around 1 in the afternoon yesterday you should have loaded a "rich text" document which was calling itself "The New Jack". It was disgusting.
Frantic, the stress induced a piercing headache as I struggled to turn everything back around to its original form. Thank God I backed up my template. I feel like as much as I want to SPICE things up, I will be leaving that to a PROFESSIONAL friend to tweak. I do want to add some new FIERCENESS to the site, but that will evidently happen in due time kids.
Not with The New Jack tinkering around.
I cannot wait until I have a job.....I want some Chanel glasses. I'm over my Prada ones.
I should be having a phone date with Pleasure Magazine today. I really hope they get serious and pick my black ass. Especially if I got a cover? Now that would be wild. We missed our phone date yesterday so I made it known via e-mail that I will be available to talk during the day today (God help my Verizon wireless bill) and that I really want them to contact me. I feel like Urban Curves will get back to me when they're ready, if they're ever going to be ready. I more feel the desire to chase Pleasure and BlackBoxxx. BlackBoxxx especially because I would like to write for them as well.
I had a near stroke yesterday afternoon.
I figured, it's the New Year and I'm feeling great, let me completely change my template entirely to SPICE up the lives of my readers. Ummm, maybe not so much. If you were on around 1 in the afternoon yesterday you should have loaded a "rich text" document which was calling itself "The New Jack". It was disgusting.
Frantic, the stress induced a piercing headache as I struggled to turn everything back around to its original form. Thank God I backed up my template. I feel like as much as I want to SPICE things up, I will be leaving that to a PROFESSIONAL friend to tweak. I do want to add some new FIERCENESS to the site, but that will evidently happen in due time kids.
Not with The New Jack tinkering around.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Pleasure and Court TV
Astro Overview:
This year starts with determined Mars facing the planet of personal transformation, Pluto. According to master astrologer Jeff Jawer, "Now more then ever you are motivated to make changes that will stick." Now's the time to gather every possible resource and set out on the road to a new year ... and new you.
Although the holiday storms may already be receding into the past, all is not yet back to normal. The emotional intensity of the Mars-Pluto opposition will likely linger for days, but we can also see more possibilities as the energy continues to clear. The passionate Scorpio Moon encourages us to fight for what we want while tension between logical Mercury and stern Saturn suggests that a more cautious approach would be wiser at this time. (Lifescript)
I am trying to keep my head screwed on straight. The Significant and I did spend the rest of New Years night asleep on a BOX SPRING...the combination of intoxication and exhaustion is a bitch.
I heard from Pleasure Magazine last night...(current possibilities: Pleasure, Urban Curves, BlackBoxxx) Here is their first issue ever and cover girl, Latoya Alexander:
But earlier speaking of intoxication....
Last night I spent the night with the Snitches...and we definitely had one of the funniest sober nights of my whole life.
Court TV, now renamed TruTv, officially gets kudos from The New Jack. If you're having a bad day, PLEASE turn to TruTv and watch the footage of FIGHTS. Everything from plain old Dominicans fighting in Washington Heights, to riots in Israel to Black girls stealing a White woman's winning lottery ticket. I was truly sick last night from incessant laughter. Here's a car crash into a DMV:
I'm desperately trying to find the stolen lottery ticket footage as well as the riots overseas. That's COMEDY.
New Years photos below if you didn't already investigate...
I need to get on the treadmill so I can inch my way over to Miss Alexander...
This year starts with determined Mars facing the planet of personal transformation, Pluto. According to master astrologer Jeff Jawer, "Now more then ever you are motivated to make changes that will stick." Now's the time to gather every possible resource and set out on the road to a new year ... and new you.
Although the holiday storms may already be receding into the past, all is not yet back to normal. The emotional intensity of the Mars-Pluto opposition will likely linger for days, but we can also see more possibilities as the energy continues to clear. The passionate Scorpio Moon encourages us to fight for what we want while tension between logical Mercury and stern Saturn suggests that a more cautious approach would be wiser at this time. (Lifescript)
I am trying to keep my head screwed on straight. The Significant and I did spend the rest of New Years night asleep on a BOX SPRING...the combination of intoxication and exhaustion is a bitch.
I heard from Pleasure Magazine last night...(current possibilities: Pleasure, Urban Curves, BlackBoxxx) Here is their first issue ever and cover girl, Latoya Alexander:
But earlier speaking of intoxication....
Last night I spent the night with the Snitches...and we definitely had one of the funniest sober nights of my whole life.
Court TV, now renamed TruTv, officially gets kudos from The New Jack. If you're having a bad day, PLEASE turn to TruTv and watch the footage of FIGHTS. Everything from plain old Dominicans fighting in Washington Heights, to riots in Israel to Black girls stealing a White woman's winning lottery ticket. I was truly sick last night from incessant laughter. Here's a car crash into a DMV:
I'm desperately trying to find the stolen lottery ticket footage as well as the riots overseas. That's COMEDY.
New Years photos below if you didn't already investigate...
I need to get on the treadmill so I can inch my way over to Miss Alexander...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New Years 08
First post of the New Year....
and damn it feels good....
Obviously you got no updates because I too was partying... (click on images to enlarge)
I feel like that is quite evident though..
Oh yeah, that is The New Jack's new hair...the all black, bangs (get you some, very spring '08 trend) and super curly. The New Jack is very used to having bone straight hair, and I'm not used to managing curls.
Hey, it makes me stand out.
You can tell who had a good time that night, my BFF:
More details on New Years soon...
and damn it feels good....
Obviously you got no updates because I too was partying... (click on images to enlarge)
I feel like that is quite evident though..
Oh yeah, that is The New Jack's new hair...the all black, bangs (get you some, very spring '08 trend) and super curly. The New Jack is very used to having bone straight hair, and I'm not used to managing curls.
Hey, it makes me stand out.
You can tell who had a good time that night, my BFF:
More details on New Years soon...
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