Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Broken Baby Doll

Its funny to me, but I guess because my face is round, a lot of women tell me I remind them of a baby doll. Round and cute. Especially when I smile I hear that a lot. I guess I haven't heard it as often of late because I'm never smiling.

Today, I had a 10am interview with the Tuttle Agency. I spoke to a very friendly woman named Priscilla who was eager to set up an interview with me, and I awoke today feeling lively and excited to go meet her and hopefully have a job. Looking at the clock right now (8:58 am), I would have been in Manhattan not too long from now (9:23 am). Instead, I'm writing to you, my avid readers and listeners to my soul worth of problems from my bedroom. I am very much in Bay Shore right now. I am in an Old Navy fleece hoodie, with the pin striped pants that I should have been interviewed with on right now. To those who read, I can't pretend nor do I need to tell you that my spirit is severely broken.

I have absolutely no money left, and turned to my parents to pay for my railroad fare for my interview this morning. It sparked at HUGE fight, that went into much depth and lasted so long, I wasn't able to take the railroad in for my interview. The fight circled my lack of money, lack of income, lack of everything. Needless to say, I'm not at my interview. I'm home, feeling worthless as I repeatedly feel is confirmed by my parents.

The stress of what I'm referring to as my life is truly what is taking a toll on me physically. I definitely have a huge writers block, as opposed to turning all of this into gazillions of songs. My voice is severely strained from lack of vocal practice in addition to lots of soda drinking and incessant yelling and screaming at some point every single day.

You would think after feeling so worthless, you'd be able to write music about being worthless or proving that you aren' opposed to writing nothing at all...

Check out Kanye's "I Wonder" ........I truly wonder everyday if I'll ever find my dreams...


Leah said...

OMG I use the Tuttle Agency too! Ironically Priscilla is my counselor as well (and I worked there today for their usual receptionist). Seriously, Priscilla will hook u up. It took a little while but she's sending me out on assignments. Since u had circumstances that didn't allow you to come in, be sure to let Priscilla know and maybe she can work something w/u without coming in. She's really sweet and pretty understanding.

Keep your head up. You'll get something soon. For me I got really desperate and went to Godiva in Rockerfeller Center. They're still hiring if u want, just to get a paycheck. Priscilla is desperate to get me outta there tho so I dunno. Maybe u can do Godiva on the weekends. Its annoying as shit but the workers are cool. If you want to u can say I referred you.


Leah said...

You can also try here I haven't used them yet but I hear they're good for sending people out. You got this girl. U got a degree and brains. Don't let your circumstances get the better of you because it'll just keep you down.