Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Open Mic

Ok straight to the point, shall we?

Astro overview:
The Moon enters impulsive Aries at 7:23 am EST to kick up the energy an extra notch today. We can be jolted out of our dreamy sleep with the Moon in this spontaneous fire sign. We seek excitement now, for Aries' key planet Mars is still activating an emotionally charged Grand Water Trine. But we should exercise some caution, for communicator Mercury is in a stressful semisquare to intense Pluto, so our words can stir more passion than we intend.(Lifescript)

....well, duh, New Jack...
The shoot didn't happen yesterday, but I should be leaving my second home in Canarsie in about an hour and a half to head to the shoot. It's ON today. Words definitely stir more passion than intended. Last night, I called the significant other cause he sent me a text to see how I was doing. We both were extremely busy yesterday, so didn't get a chance to converse until after 9 last night. After going through his day, we went through mine and I mentioned that I was planning to go to a bar nearby Centre street with an ex of mine and one of my bff's-Jacki (Jax Poetic Blogspot link of your right). He pounced inquiring if the ex I intended to drink with was the infamous Steven (Cj). I quickly made note to him that to MY knowledge since him and I aren't speaking that he should be in Georgia visiting his cousin Leon for the Thanksgiving holiday. I found it interesting that he inquired when I guess there was a point in time that when I explicity explained from the attacks and turmoil some of his exes have put me through, he still decided it was perfectly fine to still be friends with them. Despite all their wrongdoings.
I guess the bluntness that I possess royally flew off my tongue, and I stated straightforwardly: "Hey, you used to chill with all of yours, especially the ones that attacked me and made dating you complete hell. So, if your going to hang around all yours fuck it, why not?". It wasn't until I heard the silence and it penetrated my brain is when I realized how blunt I was.

Yet still, to quote Mean Girls, the "word vomit" insisted. I brought up the insane girls that want to be with him and exes that would insist their pregnant and utter madness just to get me to leave. One ex, the one I would stab if I could- Jada is the epicenter. From hacking Mj's e-mails, to myspace she made dating him a nightmare cause she wouldn't cease to get back what she believed was hers. It has been confirmed by sources close to Mj-family sources that the woman is insane. She has proven it time and time again, but him feeling sorry for her knowing that he wasn't going to be with her again would STILL DEFEND her erratic and disgusting behavior as opposed to comforting ME the person who was seriously victimized. It's something I'll admit, I never let it go. For him to defend exes and women who wanted him that put ME through turmoil was just crazy to me. I never and still, haven't forgiven him for it. I've grown stronger from it now, but back when it was initially happening, it definitely broke my heart to see who he was defending.

Not to say lately, because it's been going on for a long time now. Mj seems extremely settled and comfortable with me. It seems that the effort that he puts into this relationship is seemingly effortless. He goes out of his way to do and provide a lot, not at my request but truly and genuinely because he wants to. Lately, I've been hearing a lot of "I'm not going anywhere". Furthermore, a lot of "I don't want to go anywhere". I'm far from complaining but it's almost odd to me. Just to review the last 18 months in my mind theres been so much that has taken place and yet, so much change. I've realized, I haven't been the one to force the changes I've seen, they just happened. Maybe because it's happened all on him, maybe all that has changed is actually real. I truly have come to feel that it is. I love this boy that raises my blood pressure and settles it all at the same time.

Let's just hope that since no fight errupted from my word vomit last night, that the volcano doesn't errupt tonight when I see him to return back to Long Island.

The photoshoot today, Bobbie-the photographer would like to use for his own personal book as well as possibly sumbit images to a Mens magazine. The MAGAZINE part, he did not include. In which, I am fine with, but I'd like to see the release form because I better be compensated further in the event this man makes a DIME. I want to know what publications it will be in, so I can be able to track my own press. I have such GREAT ideas in my head for this shoot today. It better go according to plan. Especially the idea I have in my mind for the microphone. If I get this mic shot, It'll be SO perfect.
So again, wish me luck guys....and maybe you'll have something to drool over by the end of the week.

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