Friday, January 25, 2008


Linette Delia John, let me explain a couple things to you...

  • you're an idiot
  • you can be very opinionated
  • you're way too vocal
  • your long eyelashes, perfect dimples and excellent teeth, disgust me
  • you're obnoxious
  • I envy your flexibility
  • you're too tall for my taste
  • and you get drunk too easily for my taste as well
  • you can be a tomboy, but have come a LONG way from high school
  • you need to learn how to walk in heels
  • you should start by purchasing heels first
  • tights weren't made for dresses until Mischa Barton ruined your life
  • I don't like that you make fun of America's Next Top Model
  • cause Gossip Girl and The O.C. shouldn't run your life
  • you need to finish your education
  • you have an unhealthy obsession with your eyebrows
  • ...and with Uggs
  • I don't like you smoking
  • you have horrible allergies and need more than Claritin
  • you swing your arms too much
  • you eat like a complete PIG and consume way too much fast food
  • and your movements do remind all of us of Grover from Sesame Street

But most importantly, whether you move to Africa and join a tribe or whether you become a convicted felon, I'm going to love you all the days of my life. NOTHING is going to change that about your overly vocal ass. You raise my blood pressure SIGNIFICANTLY, but I'm going to love you all the days of my life. If you ever think that you are replaceable? or disposable? that will be the day you and I have nothing left to discuss.

Love, your BFF,

New Jack

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