Monday, January 14, 2008

Not Wanted

Maybe I'm going to need that blunt a lot earlier than expected....

I got into the biggest fight with my parents which ended with these conclusions from them...

  • I'm irresponsible
  • I'm worthless for still being unemployed after 6 months
  • Don't use plastic cups you didn't pay for....or anything else you didn't pay for actually
  • I use their house as a "hotel"
  • My friends and I are not "children"
  • My boyfriend is classless
  • New Jack+passion+Time=everything BUT finding a job
  • I don't "live" here
  • Despite being unemployed, I should still get up at 7am as if I had a job to exhibit "drive"
  • I have utilized the library
  • I am comfortable with a banking account that is sitting in a negative for days now, not having a car and not starting a career

The only way that one could truly absorb the magnitude of what I've written is only if the actual fight was recorded.

My conclusions:
  • People think that I enjoy NOT having a job/money/independence
  • I purposely stay away from home because of stress like this
  • My mother has never liked me, which isn't news to me and insists on repeatedly confirming it
  • No one in my family never knew what my true passions were anyway so who are you to tell me what my passion is anyhow
  • Every time I think I'm turning things around...they stop half way
  • I'm beginning to question my faith in God/Jesus/That Bubble AGAIN
  • My life can never be stable with happiness..for some reason, I've done something I'm not aware of that the Karma has come that I should spend my adult life in misery
  • I wish people knew The Significant that only few of us really do
  • Its things like this that truly reinforce me wanting to STOP trying altogether because it's adding up to nothing
  • I'm trying desperately to hold on to my ideas that 2008 is really going to be a turn around for me-positively

Maybe this is what the distance of going away to college does...the people who you think know you the best after 4 years realize they didn't know you at all...


Leah said...

Don't let your parents get u down. I don't think your mom doesn't like you; I think that she hasn't been our age so long she forgot the pressures of being young.

I started thinking the other day: "Why the hell did I go to college when so many people who didn't can make six figures and I'm making $8.00 an hour @ some dinkity chocolate shop?!?!" But that's my take...I feel ya tho on that unemployment (I don't consider Godiva a real 'job')...try something in the federal realm tho: . Wishing nothing but luck and success...

Leah said...

p.s. Mind if I smoke that blunt with u darlin? Lemmie kno.....