Friday, March 14, 2008

43% Not Chicken

I'm going to open this by saying that 43% of KFC chicken is not chicken.
Yep, this is all from:
With this information, I will frustrate the masses further by saying, I'm still going to eat it.

I'm frustrating a slew of people, which isn't good when you yourself are already frustrated. I'm hitting that true ending point with the "two-week vacations" of The Significant and I. I'm well aware that nothing can be done at this point still. His car still needs to be fixed. He's devoting every penny to that objective because in part it is the main method of us seeing each other anyhow. While he does that, I sit still penniless, not being able to afford LIRR to see him in Nassau County. Which that too is still an issue, I'm not currently allowed at his house due to the strict traditional behavior of his very old grandparents.

All the surrounding factors are basically keeping us apart from each other and its making my antsy. Fearful of what continued distance will do. People say it all the time "I started cheating cause my husband was always away on business". Niggas on the other hand don't even need such an in depth reason to cheat. I do trust him, because we have come a LONG way. He exudes such an effortless effort now in this relationship that I have absolutely no complaints and haven't for a little while. I just detest distance, especially seeing first hand what it does from my relationship with Steven. Now Steven and The Significant are complete opposites, but when distance is involved that doesn't aid in anything. I began delving into my fears last night which I saw heading in the wrong direction so I cut it short. I am 100% chicken to proceed in discussing my feelings regarding the distance matter.

I have become 100% chicken discussing feelings in general. With so much happening that I'm NOT happy about, I have regardless always been the person that advocates expressing your feelings to someone as opposed to bottling them up inside. Its poisonous. Since last month though, I'm aware of me speaking to people hasn't been anything of greatness. I definitely am aware that no one seems to understand EXACTLY what I'm saying. They partly relate or feel sympathetic but do not comprehend the actual agony. I'm still very pained inside and I no longer feel the desire to explain it anymore since no one is actually getting it. After another non-successful discussion this morning, it puts me into "shutdown" mode. Something I've argued with The Significant about too many times to count.

[Shutdown mode(shh-ut dOwnn m-oh-de ): the resultant of one cutting off communication and/or activitiy based on an array of feelings; blocking communication due to innate fears,concerns or aggravation; the unnatural response to those who stress the individual who has ceased communication with outside forces.]
I am 110% not motivated......
My birthday is 4 weeks from today and with the party that I'm attempting to hold happening two days prior, I'm trying to get some percent of motivation to work out to fit into the dress that I'd like to have and more than likely wont due to cost.

When you finally lose all motivation, give up and relax you realize how 150% tired you really are...

No comments: