Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Dancing Alone

Astro overview 12/5/2007:
Although Mars is swimming backward in watery Cancer through the end of January, his sweetheart Venus steps forward into new territory today as she enters magnetic Scorpio, where she stays until the end of the year. Our senses are tingling for Venus is excited when she receives a jolt from electric Uranus this morning. The Goddess of Love remains in the spotlight when the Moon enters Scorpio at 1:30 pm EST and then aligns with sexy Venus. (Lifescript)

Aries Horoscope:
Your emotions burn deeper now with Venus and the Moon in your 8th House of Intimacy, and this makes you a bit uncomfortable. It's not that you are unwilling to express your feelings; it's just that the intensity can overwhelm your agenda and pull you off track. The emotional emphasis is signaling you to slow it all down and to sink deeper into your passions. This isn't necessarily the easiest practice for you, but you gain a lot if you can do it. (Lifescript)

I'm feeling restless. I'm so curious about 2008, I'm really not sure whether to be excited or terrified.

Weirder: my horoscope is SO true. I feel extremely uncomfortable being that I've lost hope for my relationship due to the occurrences of this past weekend. I don't want to put my heart out there anymore. He displayed some effort last night, shocking to me I got a phone call that lasted 3 hours.

Very shocking to me.

Despite the effort, I'm UNCOMFORTABLE, and very reluctant to put my heart out there. I'm not unwilling to express my feelings, because towards the end of the conversation I revealed a few, but I didn't make it intense; it was concise and I didn't delve into an intimate level. It was almost like reciting the news, but with a little more feeling. I don't want to be focused on a relationship where the other person saw it fit to crush all the hopes of the other person. Why get overwhelmed by something that isn't currently showing any promise? If he comes around...he comes around. I mean, there still has been no word on when I'm going to hear from him again and even more important, SEE him again without me ASKING for his presence. I'm definitely waiting to see how long it will be for him to decide to see me without me asking. He has today, Friday, Saturday and Sunday off....we'll see if he makes an appearance at all this week. Cause even though "I ain't too proud to beg", it was revealed in an unsettling way he referred to as "force". That hurt my pride a lot, and when that happens, I shut down. I will not call, text you, make efforts to see you, without it being expressed by the accusing party FIRST that they would like me to do those things. He called, seeing that I didn't call or text him all day and it will remain that way until it is expressed that he would like for me to begin contacting him again.

I'm in shut down mode. In terms of relationships that is.

I'm very lively in every OTHER aspect. I want to get a job. I want to correct my financial issues. I want to put this entire criminal/civil drama TO BED FOR GOOD. I wish I was able to help my parents out. I want Denzel to have a good Christmas, and I want to buy things for him. I want my hair done, so it stops breaking; ditto for my nails. I want a car, being that mine that had no insurance has been insured by someone else and is being KEPT until further notice. It costs MONEY to eat and be healthy. Notice, it costs $1.39 for a snackwrap at Mcdonalds but STARTS at $7.00 for a salad at Cosi. I want to be healthy. I want to get into better shape to further what I think I'm trying to do with my life. I want to open a savings account, and start putting away for the apartment that I'd love to have by 2009. I want to be able to get up and go to Brooklyn and Manhattan and not be digging and crawling for Long Island Rail Road fare.

I want to be back IN control.

So if the significant doesn't want to get it together as much as I would kill for him to...I'll be dancing alone until then.

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