I was on Myspace, and there definitely as always is a more uncut version of every video. I thought the "Body" video I already posted was the uncut,because that is NOT the version played on TV. Well, Ja of course found it necessary to make it a little more uncut. This version includes a lot more ass, some ass clapping, and a dark skinned girl (T-Pain's "Bartender") completely topless towards the beginning. There are definitely some nipple flashes...
I'm in a dead mood.
After what I thought was going to be a successful break the significant and I came to another outburst last night. I have discovered that there are a lot of deep rooted feelings towards me that will NOT be expressed by him under any circumstances. That's what 2 hours of silence means. It means, I ask questions and they are left unanswered in a car/outside in last night's fabulous storm as if I were conversing with a dead body. When someone holds their feelings bottled up inside, especially in a car trying to evade confrontation that is in their face, the resultant is an explosion. I personally, don't see the point in bottling up my feelings in general especially when someone I care about is involved. I don't bite my tongue for anyone. Especially when that was NEVER my ways, and I had to do so for years for my ex Steven who wanted me to be an obedient slave.
I'm very free from that lifestyle now bitches.
There is truly, truly in most circumstances no point in one to bottle their feelings up. 97.486% of the time that I interact with ANYONE that bottles their feelings up, the result is an explosion. Whether they actually EXplode and freak out and scream etc or IMplode and have a fucking Mariah Carey style breakdown, I'm not sure which is more favorable....
I have several friends that IMplode...Implosions make me EXTREMELY nervous. I wind up at a complete loss of how to care for the now mentally unstable person, that I desperately WANT to care for. It's very confusing, stressful and just plain out of control. There is a lot of detective work involved trying to decipher what is going on the now "collapsed" brain.
I date someone, have a younger brother and very,very few friends that EXplode. My younger brother and significant being the best of examples, will NOT under any circumstances tell you how they REALLY feel about something until it has boiled 400 times over, their body temperature is equivalent to that of goddamn heated Jet fuel. These type of arguments usually leave Me (problem solver/aggressor) in the ending state of Victim. The problem solver is usually redirected as an aggressor/problem causer/stress factor when the problem solver, is trying to...well, solve the problem. The problem holder (in this example, Denzel and Matt) usually takes silence as a route through the majority of the conversation and then in efforts to END the conversation, react with an outburst. Basically, this was my efforts in updating my current health status, which is:
- not breathing
- congestion extremes
- difficulty swallow
- popping in my ears
- dehydration: especially of the eyes, lips and throat
- on and off headache
- the arrival of my period
- unexpected outbursts of emotion due to hormone imbalances
- pulled neck muscle (carrying body style bags, messenger style-restricts turning quickly, laying on my back, looking upwards too far past eye level, sharp pains within the neck and shoulder blades)
- weight gain due to "period comfort food" (chips, Wendys, LOTS of cake intake, Chinese food, soda etc)