Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Model Instability

I must have the most unstable life known to mankind....
There are no periods of stable happiness where I can be grief-free for a couple months and just LIVE. It's absolutely impossible.

My civil suit is still going. I received notification that if I don't pay the $400 again in 10 days, then I will be receiving a summons to court.

I've been up since 5:20am for no reason at all.

I woke up this morning with a cold.

I spoke to the significant for 3 1/2 hours last night to discover that the significant has no motivation to improve his life. He is very set in belief that he has no potential to do better, be better and that THIS ridiculousness he is referring to as his life is going to just remain his life.

I mean....honestly now....

I won't be surprised if I don't get this call back for the receptionist job at the Volkswagen Dealership

I pulled muscles in my neck and right shoulder carrying items in a laundry bag that weighed as much as my 5'10 younger brother.

My hair, unpermed for 1 year now, is and has been extremely difficult to manage and has been weave-free for approximately 4 months now. The longest time since I've stopped perming my hair that I've gone without it weaved. I am at a stage of BEYOND annoyance and would do anything for someone to just take me to Brooklyn and buy me the hair of my choice so I can go get it weaved and have SOMETHING in my life to not worry about for 2 whole months.

This is what I'm saying I know this thing is referred to as "life" but I mean, Christ the minute things look SEEMINGLY upwards and I can write 3 happy entries, I can easily turn around and write 10 miserable ones. I just want STABLE happiness, and I'm afraid of what '08 holds. I have NO possible ideas on how it would go. Even numbered years usually go quite excellent for me, its the odd that all the drama happened. '07 was such a UNIQUE and intricate combo of nightmare and fabulosity that it truly throws me as to what to expect for '08. Hmmmm maybe when I think about it, '07 had a little more nightmare than I would've liked. Therefore with '08 being an even year, that should be a year of HAPPINESS RIGHT??
Like PERHAPS a REAL job that I can possibly more than "just stomach" but actually be WILLING to get out of bed for?

Or, this whole court drama being put to BED FOREVER finally occur, without me giving the system more than it could possibly ever deserve?

Or maybe '08 will be the year that the significant comes to terms with his LIFE and that he has CHOICES. I've never known a human to be so annoyed at the thought of having a CHOICE, he cannot stand to be the decision maker.

Perhaps my ex Cj will come to terms with life and actually treat me like a human being, and realize that I am a good person and just because I don't conform to his ways like a slave is no reason to treat me the way he does.

Maybe I'll get to be like all the other girls I see, and get to do the simple things like get my hair and nails done when needed, and just be able to have a more than basic upkeep of my appearance cause I'll have money to do so.

Maybe, the job I could get could be so good, that I can start paying off my debt and start saving for my apartment.

Maybe the famous person I'm meant to be, will finally get off the ground....somehow...

For now, my day will consist of cereal, possibly a treadmill, sex with a bottle of cough syrup, attempting to contact designers, job hunting, revising my resume-again, calling the civil suit people and telling them to fuck themselves and maybe, hopefully just a nice conversation or maybe if I'm too lucky a visit from the significant...oh and the Victoria's Secret Fashion show at 10pm on CBS.

my fucking favorite scene from the Vicki's show EVER, done to "When You Were Young"-The Killers, "Bossy"-Kelis and a Scottish theme. Not ONE thing that went down this runway during this clip was ugly...well, I wanted them all...

Enjoy kids...

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